Resemblance to Life
by ng59678
Summary: Sequel to Handling It. What happens when life changes at the MackenzieRabb household? I'm back, trying to finish what I started.
1. Default Chapter

_Previously in Handling It_

_If you didn't read Handling It – a very brief synopsis – Harm and Mac have a baby named Mackenzie, they adopt Mattie, live together, life is great, he gets shipped off, and gets killed._

_**Now – on to the story **_

_**Resemblance to Life**_

_**Chapter One**_

_December 7, 2005  
__Harm and Mac's Residence  
__King George, VA_

"_Hammer, SAM on our six!" Emily cried out_

_Harm tried to out maneuver the SAM, but it got a lock on him and headed straight for the nimble plane._

"_Eject!" Emily screeched pulling her ejection seat handle pulling off a martin baker._

_Harm went to pull his but nothing happened. He braced himself for impact from the SAM as he continued to try to out maneuver it. The last second he turned the plane and the SAM grazed one of the engines, disabling the small plane. Harm tried to maneuver the plane into one of his uncontrolled landings, but the attempt was futile. The plane crashed into the Iraqi desert. _

"_I'm so sorry Sarah." Were the last words he whispered before the blackness took him to a place where he could see his family again._

Mac woke up sitting straight up in their bed; it was the same nightmare that she had been reliving over and over again for the past week. Drenched with sweat she climbed into the shower waiting for their youngest daughter to wake up. Her mind was locked into the memory of what she was told on Thanksgiving Day.

_Mac's flashback:_

Mac started picking up the pieces of the platter that had just moments ago held their Thanksgiving Day dinner. The love that she was so thankful to have found was gone. She threw the pieces of the broken platter into the sink, catching her hand. Her shoulders started shaking, and AJ put his arms around her.

"Mac," He started to say trying to comfort her.

"Don't! He is still alive, I know it." She screamed. "I have to go to him, go find him."

Mattie came running down the stairs, she knew. Jen rushed down after checking on the kids, Mattie was already barreling down the stairs though.

"Mom, no, please say it isn't true!" Mattie screeched in the arms of her Dad's brother. Sergei had caught her and was holding her in a bear hug.

"I don't believe it." Mac said.

"Mac," Admiral Jonas started.

"Where's the proof?"

"His remains were recovered from his Tomcat thirty minutes ago."

"No, turn back around, get back in that car, and leave." Mac said tears starting to roll down her face. "No, it can't be. He is still alive, I would feel it if he was gone, and I don't feel it."

"Colonel, we are shipping his remains home. What were his final wishes?"

"To come home!" She snapped at them. She knew that they shouldn't be the source of her anger, but they were.

"Military funeral." Trish whispered. Frank was standing stoically behind her, always the pillar of strength; the woman had survived her first husband going down and now her son. "That is something that Harm would have wanted, something his father never had."

"Why are we planning his funeral, he's coming back!" Mac screamed getting up and running out the door.

Admiral Jonas looked at Mac and started to go after her. AJ stopped him, "I'll go. I have known her longer."

He walked down the path to the horse barn. He knew that would be the only place that she could go. He found her at the flagpole that was by the barn. She was sitting on one of the hay bales shivering in the cold of the late November night. "Mac . . ."

"Don't start AJ."

"Colonel Mackenzie," He started gruffly, and then softened his tone. "Mac, what is the evidence telling you?"

"I know he is alive, or else I would feel dead, and I don't. We have always been connected, you know this."

"I have no doubt in my mind that you are connected. Mac, honey, the ground troops saw him crash. Did you ever think that you feel connected to him because you are keeping him alive in your heart?"

"What happened?"

"His plane was shot down."

"Harm would have ejected, he would have dodged the missile, he would have done something other than get shot down! For God sakes the man played tag with a freaking dirty nuclear warhead, only to what, get shot down! No, there is something more going on here, my fiancé is not dead! What happened in the air?"

"Mac sometimes there is no answer." He answered her.

Mac stood there. "What happened to Emily?"

AJ looked at her, "Emily didn't make it either." How much more was this woman supposed to take, she just lost the love of her life, and now she knew her cousin was with him. "Her parents are arranging to have her ashes scattered where husband died." He told her what Chaplain Turner had told him.

"How am I going to tell Mackenzie that her Daddy is never coming home again? How am I going to tell this baby about the Daddy that it will never meet? AJ, I can't do this alone." She sobbed cradling her stomach unconsciously.

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes." She whispered.

"How far along?"

"Seven weeks."

"How can that be, you only saw him two weeks ago for liberty."

"The investigation on the Patrick Henry. Harm and I were together. I thought there was a chance I could be pregnant when I was in Italy, but there was just too little time, and that I was rundown because of taking care of the kids." She told her former CO knowing that there was nothing he could do about what happened now.

"Did he know?"

"No. Hell AJ, I didn't even know until this morning. I was going to tell him when he got back. It was going to be a surprise."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I feel so alone right now."

"Mac, you aren't alone," Sergei said coming up behind her.

"Colonel, you and the Commander have always made me feel like I was family, even though I was a misfit. Let us be there for you." Jen said with her arms around Sergei.

Mac felt the breeze run through her and Harm's favorite horse Tommy came up in nudged her. "I can't explain it, but I know that he is alive."

AJ shook his head. She had been so close to realizing that he was never coming back. "The remains were identified as his. They found his dogtags and a locket on his body. The plane exploded on impact. There wasn't much left Mac. Honey, don't worry about the funeral, I'll take care of all the arrangements."

"I don't care what you say. He isn't dead, I will never believe it until I know for sure."

"Mac. . ."

Mac picked herself up off of one of the bales of hay that she was sitting on. "I know he is alive, and I am going to find him."

"Do you want his girls growing up like him? They need to have closure Mac!" AJ argued. "Harm would not want his daughters to grow up trying to find him like he spent 30 years trying to find his father. The remains are his!"

"I just talked to him yesterday. He sent me an email today."

Admiral Jonas came up to her. "He was going after Seaman Ladir-Famino. They were providing the air support when a surface air missile locked on to him. He was circling our troops keeping them safe. The plane was hit in the wing. He tried to land it, but according to the troops it was in flames by the time they got to the wreckage."

She looked up and saw Mattie's window open. Jen looked at the woman who was trying so hard to believe something that contradicted the facts in evidence. "Mac, Mattie is going to need you right now."

Mac started to make her way back to the house. She needed to talk to her daughter. She was so consumed by her pain, that she wasn't thinking about what Mattie was going through. "I need to talk to her and try to calm her down."

She turned and looked at them, and sank to the ground losing consciousness. "MAC!" Sergei screeched running to her.

Jen ran up to the house. "Quick, clear the couch! Mac fainted out in back, AJ is bringing her back."

_End Mac's flashback_

The rest of the next couple of days were a blur for Harm's family. Due to the nature of his body they had to wait for the DNA analysis to be run. Theresa Coulter called Mac with the devastating news.

"Mac, I have news that you aren't going to want to hear."

"Terry, just tell me."

"I just received the paper work on the remains brought to me from the F-14 crash in the desert. Mac, it was Harm and Emily. I am so sorry."

Mac held the receiver in her hand, "Bring him home to me Terry."

_**

* * *

AN – Okay, for all of you guys who wanted to stone me, well – this story is going to go a little slower with posting because I am in the process of moving and getting the rest of my life in order, and I am still in the process of writing it Chapter One if it entices your interest, I will continue. I decided to post the first chapter a little earlier than expected because I felt you guys deserved to see Mac's reaction with the bomb I dropped on yall last night. Thanks for all the reviews!**_


	2. Chapter Two

_**Chapter Two**_

Mac stood at the terminal waiting for the remains of her fiancé and her cousin to be brought back to her. Mattie's NJROTC group was there in formation to pay their respects to him, but Mattie had chosen to stand next to her mother.

"Mom, for some reason I don't feel like he is gone. It seems so surreal, just like when my real mom died."

"I know Mattie. I know the feeling. I didn't believe it until Commander Coulter called me with the DNA evidence, part of me still doesn't believe it." Mac said staying strong for her daughter.

The C-130 was coming in closer. Mac watched as the transport plane came to a dead stop and the cargo bay opened. She saluted her CO as he climbed of the plane. He had flown to Iraq to escort the remains home.

"At ease Colonel." She slackened up a bit, but it didn't last long. She stiffened up at the sight of Emily's parents coming up.

"If your fiancé was a better pilot, then our daughter would be here today." Her aunt screamed at her.

"Don't you talk about my dad that way!" Mattie screamed at her. Brennen ran up from behind.

"Mattie, Gramma says that Momma isn't coming home ever again." Brennen said in matter of fact tone.

"That's right buddy. Your Momma and my Dad are in heaven right now."

"I miss her."

"I know you do, but you will always remember your Mom in your heart. She loved you so much." Brennen hugged her.

Mac hugged her young cousin. "Your Mom will always be watching over you."

He got this worried look on his face, "Even when I'm in the bathroom?"

Mac smiled, the mind of a three year old. "What I mean is that she will always be there when you need her."

Mac stiffened when she saw the marines carrying out Harm's casket with the flag draped over it. "Ma'am, we just wanted to let you know that Commander Rabb and Commander Graves saved us all that day. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. He was a brave man."

"Thank you corporal. How did you know Harm and Emily?"

"Commander Rabb went with us in country a couple of times to help interrogate POWs. He even went on a mission with Agent McCleary one time. Shocked us all by saying he knew how to do a HALO insertion. He was tough as nails with a great heart. He was always talking about his beautiful fiancé and his two wonderful daughters."

Mattie placed a hand on his casket. "I know you tried to make it home Dad. I love you, say hi to my mom for me in heaven." She kissed her hand and then touched the casket. Mac was amazed at Mattie's strong façade as she walked over to her NJROTC group and rejoined the ranks. They snapped a salute to him and they boarded the school bus to go back to their classes. Mac told the driver where to go with Harm's body and she watched the car drive away she felt an overwhelming sense of grief and collapsed into her Admiral Jonas's waiting arms.

"Mac, can you hear me. Damn it Colonel." He tried to wake her, but after two minutes the base MPs called for an ambulance.

Mac woke up in the ambulance. "Colonel Mackenzie, can you hear me?" One of the EMTs asked.

"What happened?"

"You fainted. We are on our way to Bethesda. Is there anything we need to know?"

"Yes, I'm eight weeks pregnant." She told them.

Arriving at Bethesda, she found Sturgis, Jen, Trish, Frank, and Sergei pulling up five minutes later.

"Sarah darling, are you alright?" Trish asked her.

"Yeah Trish. I was watching the driver leave with Harm's body and, well, I woke up in the ambulance. I'm just over-worked and exhausted. That's all. No one should fuss over me."

"If you need us to move the memorial service, we can." Frank told her.

"No, I am sure that I will be out in time tonight. If not then I will walk out."

The doctor walked in. "Colonel Mackenzie it seems that you have a cheering section. Who needs to be here?"

"They can all stay."

"Well, you are dehydrated, which isn't good for you or the baby." The doctor started, Trish let out a small gasp. "We are rehydrating you now, and then you should be good to go. Have you had your first meeting with you ob yet?"

"No. Can you have one of the nurses set one up for me sometime next week?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"No, we are burying the baby's dad tomorrow." Mac said resigning herself to the tears.

Trish held Mac's hand and the rest of the crew left the room leaving them alone together to talk about the newest development that they had just found out about. "How long have you known Mac?"

"For about a week. I was going to tell everyone, I just didn't know how. I was waiting for Harm to come home, and well," the tears just started flowing.

"It will be okay darling. I don't know how, but it will be okay."

"Trish, how will it be okay? I don't even feel like this is my life, it is just a resemblance to what it used to be."

"It will never feel the same again, Sarah, there are days I still dream about Harm Sr. coming home to me. I know that it will never happen, but when I wake up that I believe its true because the dream was so real."

"I miss him so much Trish. I don't know if I can do this."

"Are you thinking about terminating your pregnancy?" Trish asked.

"No! How could I get rid of a child that Harm and I created together? He once told me that he dreamed about us having children together, of seeing me grow large with a living creation of our love. I just wanted him to come home and be there for me, for our children! How am I going to do this?"

"Mac you are one of the strongest women I know. Hell you could take out half of this woman's Navy if you needed to. That is why Harm loves you so much. You can make it through this. You have to make it through this."

"I have to for my girls, for the new baby. The morning sickness was getting so bad that I stopped eating to keep from getting sick."

Trish smiled. "With Harm I was sick all the time. He was worth it though. Did he ever tell you that when he was born he wasn't breathing?"

"No."

"Then when he took his first breath on his own, he started fighting for every single breath he took. He came into this world fighting, and he left the world fighting." Trish informed her. "He loved you and his family."

"I know Trish. We loved him too." She let the exhaustion overtake her and she slept for the first time in days.

* * *

_**AN – Gee, you guys are angsty towards me! I am evil, this I know. I have been called a lot worse. Remember first and foremost, I am a shipper, and I assure you there will be a happily ever after with this story! I don't know when, and I don't know how. I already have written a couple of parts – a couple of you guessed them really well. I don't know how often I will update this story, I am going for at least once a week for right now. **_

_**Minorcadence – Sad to say, this is not the first time I have been cursed for what I have written – hehe – hang in there.**_

**_Charmedali: There is always hope _**

_**Malcolm in the Middle: Talk about pressure being the first fanfiction you read for JAG – I feel honored, hopefully I can give this series an ending it deserves – slowly but surely though.**_

_**Princess Mai – Thank you for doing what you do overseas and I don't know if you will read this one, but if you do, I have him killed for a reason right now. **_

_**Bard2003 – I have already written the part you described weeks ago – I guess great minds think alike.**_

_**Shanabear – Sorry if you don't continue – this isn't a deathfic – hint hint!**_

_**Note to all – Wow – over 30 reviews for a first chapter – overwhelming – and sorry I couldn't really reply to them all, but I think I gave you guys enough clues responding to these reviewers of things to come. Oh – think about the name Ben Ladir-Famino (aka the traitor in Handling It) – big hint there.**_


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Mac looked at herself in the mirror. She wanted to look perfect for Harm's funeral. Mac walked out in her dress blues and walked into Mackenzie nursery. Harm's grandmother was in there with the baby holding her close.

"At least we have pieces of Harm walking on this earth." Grams said to Mac.

"Are you up to this?" Mac asked her.

"I should be asking you that dear. Just yesterday you were in the hospital and last night you went to his memorial service."

"I'm fine. My life has to go on for my girls." Mac answered the older woman. "You know what it is like to go on with your life after losing a loved one."

"All to well my dear, all to well. It doesn't feel like your life."

"Your right it doesn't. I still wait for Harm to walk through the door, to walk upstairs and play with Mackenzie."

"I bet that you used to love watching him play with the kids. He was always so good with children."

"Yeah. He was the best father. I don't know how the girls are going to get through it. I feel most sorry though for this baby," She said gesturing to her stomach. "She will never get to know Harm at all. Okay, well I have to change Mackie for the service. I am going to put her in the navy blue dress that Harm bought for her in Italy." She changed the baby quickly and headed downstairs to meet up with Frank and Trish.

Mac looked around. "Where is Mattie?"

"Mathilda Rabb, get your six down here now. We can't be late for this."

"I'm not going." She yelled from her bedroom slamming the door.

"I don't need this right now." Mac muttered as she climbed back up the stairs. She knocked on Mattie's door and found Mattie in uniform. "Mattie, I know you don't want to do this. I think you need to say bye to your dad."

"I know, but . . . Mom this is the second parent I have buried within the past three years. I just don't think I am strong enough to handle it."

"Oh Baby. I was waiting to give this to you but," Mac took Mattie by the hand and led her to Harm and her bedroom. She clicked on the DVD player and reached for the DVD that Harm had labeled for Mattie. "Do you want to watch it alone?"

"No Mom, I need you here."

Harm's face came on the screen. "Wow, Mattie, this is something I never wanted to do, but here it goes. Mattie, if you are viewing this, I can't make it home to my girls. I wanted to come home Baby, but the man upstairs needed me for some reason. This will probably be really hard for you, but honey, you need to realize that you are a strong person. You have endured so much in your young life, but you always managed to survive. Don't tell Mac, but you are like her in that way. I love you Kiddo. You saved me when no one else was able to. You gave me a reason for living and a reason for needing to keep the world safe. I love you, and I will see you again one day, that is a promise I will keep to you." The DVD faded. Mattie had tears streaming down her face and Mac put her arms around her oldest daughter.

"Are you okay Mattie?"

"Yeah Mom, I think I am. I'm sorry for acting up."

"Oh, I was wondering when you were going to. Harm's right, you have had to endure so much in your young life." She pulled her daughter into a hug. "Let's go give your Dad his final send off."

Mattie took her Mom's hand and made she grabbed her IPOD off the table to listen to some music before the funeral. "I love you Mom."

"I love you too Matts."

"I miss him so much."

"I miss him too." Mac said holding their teenage daughter close to her. "I would do anything to bring him back."

Mac stood by Harm's casket inside the church. There was light music playing in the background. She had asked everyone to give her just a few moments to say goodbye to the man who helped bring out everything good in her.

She heard the CD spin and heard the next tract come on.

**Kate Bush**

**This Woman's Work**

Pray God you can cope  
I stand outside  
This woman's work  
This woman's world  
Oooh, it's hard on the man  
Now his part is over  
Now starts the craft if the father  
(chorus)  
I know you have a little life in you yet  
I know you have a lot of strength left  
(repeat 1X)  
(hook)  
I should be crying  
But I just can't let it show  
I should be hoping  
But I can't stop thinking  
All the things I should've said  
That I never said  
All the things we should of done  
That we never did  
All the things I should've given  
But I didn't  
Oh darling make it go  
Make it go away  
Give me these moments back  
Give them back to me  
Give that little kiss  
Give me your hand  
(chorus)  
(hook)

She placed her hand on his picture. It was his service picture. "Harm, you do know that this isn't how I remember you right? I mean, there was so much more that defined you than that damn uniform that ended up taking you away from me." She closed her eyes and saw them flying Sarah high above the Appalachian Mountains. He was laughing. "Oh God Harm, what I would to get those moments back with you."

She closed her eyes again and saw their "wedding ceremony" that they had in Italy. "I love you so much." The tears just started flowing. She heard him in her head.

"Sarah, if there is anything I could do, I would make it go away." He echoed to her. "I will always love you."

She wiped away the tears that fell and opened the chapel doors to let everyone know that she was done with her moment with him. The Naval Academy's chaplain came up to them. "Colonel, I just heard the CD, I am so sorry, my daughter must have mixed up my CDs again."

"No problem. I have never been one really for church hymns. My teenager had been playing that song lately." Mac said trying to ease the moment.

Mac turned to enter the chapel with her daughters and Harm's parents. They had received an outpouring of love and support from everyone. Mac swore to herself she wasn't going to cry during the funeral mss.

The priest said some words of comfort and then offered the podium to anyone who wanted to speak. Mattie was the first one to get up. "Mattie, baby are you sure?"

"Yeah Mom."

Mattie walked towards the podium. "You know, as I look out into the crowd I see people who knew Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. Most of you knew the man in the uniform, the man who defended truth and justice. Occasionally, if someone was crazy enough to let him, he would fly." Mattie sniffled. "But most of you never knew the man outside the uniform. He was Mackenzie's healer of bumps and bruises. He was my cheerleader as I struggled with Dragonlady. You didn't know the man who would sing us to sleep, even though I tried to tell him so many times that I was too old for that. I would give anything to have Dad try to sing me to sleep again. Harm Rabb Jr. was the best dad a kid could ever pick out, but I was the lucky one, he picked me, he fought for me. He loved me when no one else in the world did. He took me into his home and made me feel whole again, who is going to do that now? Dad, I love you, I will see you again." There wasn't a dry eye in the place as Mattie took her place next to Mac.

"That was beautiful Mattie." Mac hugged her daughter.

After the services, they made their way to Arlington National Cemetery for the burial. Mac had opted to let everyone come who wanted to see Harm laid to rest. She looked out and saw the people who Harm had touched in someway or another. A Lt. Tyree came up to them.

"Ma'am, I don't know if you know me but," Lt. Tyree started.

"I know who you are, former Seaman Tyree." Mac answered. "I see you finally got your wings."

"Commander Rabb was a fine man, a good man. No one believed in me like he did. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know."

"Actually Lieutenant, I know this is above and beyond but his daughter loves flying, and we have the biplane. If you have anytime, could you take Mattie up every so often?"

"It would be an honor to do so ma'am. I don't know if you know, but Commander Rabb took me up in her."

"I didn't know that."

"He did it both for our benefits, and he helped me see that it was what I wanted to do the rest of my life, and I think he did it to prove to himself that he could." Lt. Tyree took off his wings and put them on the ground next to Harm's casket. He saluted the casket and joined a couple of other guys that knew Harm.

Mac held Mackenzie bracing her and the baby for the 21 gun salute. Mackenzie, as predicted, started crying at the sound of the guns. In the distance Mac could hear the sound of the planes coming in. Mac turned her eyes toward the sky and saw the F-14 squadron approach. She watched the one break away and turn heavenward.

She watched them lower the casket into the ground. She picked up a handful of dirt and threw it on his casket and Mattie did the same. They went back to the house for the reception. When Mac finally got rid of the last guest, she spotted Mattie.

Mac walked over to Mattie who was standing by the Christmas tree loading a DVD into the player. "Mom, do you ever think the holidays will feel the same again?"

"No sweetheart, in fact I think I can guarantee it too you that it will never be the same again. Are you sure that you are okay with going to your Grandmother's for Christmas break?"

"Yeah Mom. I'm sure. I really need to get out of here."

"I'll miss you kiddo. I will see you and Mackenzie again the day before Christmas eve honey."

"I know. Take care of yourself and the new baby."

"What are putting into the DVD player Mattie?"

"I made a DVD about Dad. I put all the video footage that I could find together and burned it onto a DVD disc. I thought that it would be nice to have for the reception." Mattie hit play and Harm came on the screen singing a song to Mackenzie while cooking dinner on one of their ordinary nights at home. Mac smiled when she saw Mattie zoom in with the camera.

The Video:

"Mattie, honey, what are you doing?" Harm asked while tasting the sauce for the spaghetti.

"Capturing you in all your glory. You know, something to take with me when I leave for the academy."

The video feed then spun into a family barbecue that they were having. Harm and Sergei were standing behind the grill making chicken. Harm was holding Sergei in a headlock and Sergei managed to knock them into the pool. Mac and Jen were at the edge of the pool watching Mackenzie sleep in her playpen, and never noticed Harm and Sergei swim up and grab them. Mac was looking furious at them.

"I'm going to get you for that Flyboy!" Mac screeched at him.

"You have to catch me first! I am in the Navy, I was born to be in the water." Harm said swimming away from her.

He caught her and held her close. He whispered something in her ear, and she grabbed his face and kissed him. After the kiss, while she was still wrapped around his waist, he tilted his head back and screamed, "I LOVE THIS WOMAN!"

Mattie came out of the pool house holding clothes for her parents. "You guys need to grow up! I swear sometimes I can't tell who is the adult in this household." Mattie grinned at her parents. Mackenzie started getting fussy from her playpen and Mattie walked over and picked her up. "I'll take care of the baby! Carry on."

The video then showed several other family moments, some footage of the family trip to Belleville. A JAG labor day picnic was thrown into the mix.

The video feed then spun to the footage that Mattie had found from Italy. Harm looked deeply into her eyes. "Sometimes the words I love you seem woefully inadequate when it comes to describing my love for you. You, Sarah Catherine Mackenzie, are the only person who can fill my soul. You start my sentences for me, you make me laugh when no one else can.

You are the most amazing thing that has happened in my life. You are a wonderful mother to our children. You are the most incredible woman I have ever known, and since there is no other phrase that can describe what I feel, I guess I will just have to say that I love you more than I ever thought was possible. You have saved my life, and I mean that literally." He pulled out a necklace and put it around her neck. It was just a plain silver chain with a heart pendant. "I know we don't have rings, but this will do for now. You are my heart Sarah."

Mac started crying watching their "wedding ceremony." She looked out into the crowd, "I'm sorry guys, I promised myself I would cry."

"Mom, what is this?"

"Your father and I had decided to get married in our souls, and then later we were going to make it legal. I love your father so much Mattie." She picked up Mackenzie from her playpen when she heard her cry out for her Da. Mackenzie reached around Mac's neck and grabbed Mac's necklace. For the funeral, Mac had combined the heart pendant and the star pendant on one chain.

"Ma!" She said snuggling into Mac's shoulder.

"Mackie, time for me to put you to bed honey. If you all will excuse me for a couple of moments, I have to put Mackenzie to bed." She said addressing the crowd of people that were still in her home.


	4. Chapter Four

_**Chapter Four**_

_0600 EST  
Harm and Mac's House  
__December 18, 2004_

Mac had woken up early. She reached over to turn off her alarm clock. It had been a little over a week since she put her children on a plane for California, and she missed them dearly. There was so much that she needed to do though to get ready for the New Year. With Harm's passing, so many changes had happened all at once. Mac sat in bed listening to the song that Harm had written for her thinking about everything that had conspired in the past week.

_Mac's Memory:_

_The day after Harm's funeral_

Mac woke up early the morning and began to pack the children for their trip to California. Mackenzie was still fast asleep and so was Mattie. In the middle of the night, Mattie had suffered a nightmare and had crawled into bed with her mom. Mac was worried about Mattie and needed to talk to Frank and Trish about what she was going through.

"Trish, last night Mattie had a nightmare and crawled into bed with me."

"Harm did that after his father was shot down. He once told me he crawled into bed with me because he wanted to make sure that I was never going to go away."

"He never told me that."

"Dear, I wouldn't expect Harm to have told you much about what happened."

"Are you sure you want to take the kids to California, they can be a handful, Mackenzie hasn't been feeling well, she has a cold, Mattie has been having these nightmares . . ."

"Sarah, honey, you have so much that you have deal with, just let us spend some time with our grandchildren. We can help them through their problems." Trish answered her. "You, Sergei, Jen, are always welcomed out in California. You are family."

"Thank you Trish. I will come out as soon as I get finished with all of the business out here."

"Are you doing okay?"

"Part of me still can't believe that he is dead. I just can't figure out how to really go one without him. I feel like this is no longer my life, just a resemblance of what my life was. I don't actually believe that he is dead, but I don't want my daughters growing up the same way he did."

"When Harm Sr. went down, I felt the same exact way. People try to tell you to move on with your life, but even then it is difficult."

There was banging on the front door of the house. Sergei went to answer it.

"Hello Mrs. and Mr. O'Neil." Sergei said addressing Emily's parents. "Will you please not try to wake up the rest of the house? The children are still asleep."

"Where the hell is Sarah?"

"I will not have you upsetting her. You need to calm down before . . ."

"Aunt Mabel, Uncle Charlie, what is the meaning of this disturbance?" Mac said coming down the stairs with a screaming Mackenzie. "Sergei, can you get her bottles ready for the trip to California?"

"Yes Mac. If you need me I am in the kitchen, then after Miss Mackenzie is finished, I will go feed the horses."

"Thank you." She told him, she turned towards her relatives, a lawyer and Brennen. "Brennen, do you want to go with Sergei?"

"Yeah."

Mac looked at them, "If you will follow me to Harm's office, I believe that it is big enough to accommodate all of us, and it is sound proof so your yelling won't wake Mathilda." She led them to the office. His presence was all around the room.

"Colonel Mackenzie, you were named permanent guardian of Brennen Graves." The lawyer told her.

"What did you do to Emily that made her turn over her son to you and not to her parents?"

"I don't know. This is the first I have heard of it. May I look at this will?"

"Colonel, wills are very technical things."

"I'm a lawyer also, I believe I can handle reading a will." He handed her the will.

"As you can see, Emily also had it written saying that if you weren't willing or unable to take care of the minor, her parents were her second choice to raise Brennen."

Mac put the will down on the desk. "Where do I have to sign on the paperwork?"

"Absolutely not will you raise my grandchild. I refuse to let you raise him, you are an alcoholic!" Mabel screamed at her niece.

Mac put down the will. "Emily's last wishes were for me to raise her child if I was willing to do so, and I am. I am not going to keep you from your grandchild, but there has to be a reason."

"There is." The lawyer took out envelopes and handed them to the respected parties. Mac took her letter and opened it.

_Dear Sarah,_

_Well if you are reading this, I wasn't able to make it home to my son, and that means the lawyer just told my parents my decision and they are fighting you on it. I know we haven't been reconnected for too terribly long, but when I was younger, I always thought of you as my sister. There were so many things that you can teach my son that my parents aren't going to be able to._

_Do you remember when we were four, we made a promise to each other? I will understand if you can't take care of Brennen, if you can't then let my parents have him, but being with you would bring more of a piece to me to him._

Mac put down the letter and a tear escaped from her eyes. "Through thick and thin we were forever sisters. I will be more than willing to take care of Brennen."

Her Uncle Charlie put down their letter, "Sarah, please . . ."

"Uncle Charlie, you and Aunt Mabel will always be welcome to come and visit Brennen whenever you want to see him."

"Thank you for not taking him completely away." He told her. "We will have him ready."

"If you want to keep him through the holidays, I understand. I'll pick him up after the New Year if you want to keep him for awhile longer."

"Thank you for letting us have a little longer with him." Aunt Mabel told her. The letter seemed to have a calming effect on her. "We should tell Brennen together that he will be coming to live with you."

"I agree. I bet we can find him at the horse stables. I need to call my office to let them know I am going to be a little late today." Mac put the letter in the safe with all of the other emails she had gotten from Harm and placed a call to the office. "I need to take Trotter out today." She said making a mental note to herself. She walked down to the stables and sure enough she found Sergei, Brennen, and Mackenzie.

Mackenzie was in the snuggli bundled up inside of her Uncle's jacket petting the horses. When she saw her mother walk up she started squealing. "MAMAMAMA! HAHAHA!"

She got her out of the snuggli and held her close. "Yeah Baby, Mama's here. Brennen, honey we need to talk to you." She called to her ward.

"Yes Aunt Mac?"

"Your grandparents and I would like to talk to you." She told him.

Her uncle Charlie jumped in, "You know we love you Kiddo, right?"

"Uh huh."

"You know your Momma loved you so much, she made sure that you would be taken care of in case she couldn't come home."

"Momma lives in heaven now with Uncle Harm and Mattie's real mom." He stated as a matter of fact.

"Yes she does." Mac said sympathetically. "Brennen, your mom wanted you to come live with me if she had to go live in heaven. Would you like to live here?"

Brennen looked at her and smiled. "Yeah!"

"Brennen, your grandparents love you very much. You are going to stay with him through the holidays and then you are going to come live here. Grandma and Grandpa are going to come see you whenever we can." Mabel told her grandson.

"Kay, can I go play now?"

"Okay Bren, but not to close to the horses." She said watching him as he ran into the stable. "I have to get to work, Sergei can show you to the room that will be Brennen's. We will put him in the extra office upstairs and he will be enrolled at the daycare until I can get him in an all day preschool program."

"Sarah, if you need any help. . ." Aunt Mabel started.

"You will be the first person I call, he is your grandson." She smiled at her relatives. She kissed Brennen goodbye and they took off to spend a couple of weeks with their grandson.

Trish walked out to the stables. "The children are packed for California. I hear you are taking Brennen in."

"Nothing escapes you Trish."

"Well, what can I say, I'm getting another grandchild added to the mix."

"He really isn't your grandchild."

"He is your ward, and you are my daughter, so that makes him my grandchild. What do we always tell Mattie and Jennifer, it isn't blood that makes a family, it is love."

"I know Trish. Thank you for being so understanding about this."

"You cousin chose you to be the guardian of her son. She made the right choice, I couldn't think of a better person. Soon we will have another little child to the mix. If you need help, let me know."

"I have all the help I could ever need. I think Harm had it arranged so that at least one person would stop by everyday. I wonder whose turn it is today. Is Mattie awake?"

"Yes. I got her up, and we are ready to go."

"Okay, I will see you and the children in two weeks. I just need this time to deal with everything."

"Okay. Just call me with the flight information."

"Thank you so much for this."

"Don't even mention it anymore."

Mac stood on the porch a couple of minutes later and watched her family pull away in the Escalade. She knew that she was making the right decisions. She needed time to be alone to grieve his passing.

_End Memory

* * *

_

_1300 EST  
JAG Headquarters_

Mac walked into her office, sat down at her computer, and started checking her email.

She saw Deek walking out of Harm's office with a box of stuff. She got up and entered the bullpen. "Lt. Commander Smalls, what are you doing?"

"I'm clearing all the junk out of my office."

"Junk? You are calling my fiancé's possessions junk? Lock it up when I am talking to you sailor! He gave his life for this country you ungrateful . . ."

"Admiral on deck!" Jen yelled.

Mac snapped to attention. "Colonel, my office."

"Yes sir!" Mac looked at Deek, "This is not over Commander Smalls." Mac spun on her heel and followed Admiral Jonas into his office.

"Take a seat Mac." Mac sat down. "Colonel, what are you doing back at work?"

"I go where I am needed sir."

"I noticed you haven't changed his service flag yet."

"I haven't been able to take it down yet, and quite honestly sir, I am not planning on taking it down. He isn't gone. I don't feel it."

"He is gone you know, we buried him a week ago."

"The logical part of me says believe that his is gone, but my heart . . ."

"Say no more. We caught the man who sent the transmission."

"Seaman Ben Ladir-Famino." Mac spoke monotone. "I want a piece of his ass."

"You aren't the only one Colonel."

The day began to drag slowly by as Mac stared at her family picture. "Damn it Harm, I need you so much right now," she cursed. Her mind went idle and thoughts of her and Harm came flooding back and there was only one thing on her mind, Seaman Ladir-Famino. She went to the dry erase board in the conference room and wrote the name on the board. Bud walked in and began watching her work.

"Mac, look at the name," She thought to herself hearing Harm's voice soothe her.

BEN LADIR FAMINO

Bud watched Mac stare at the board muttering something to herself, and picking up a dry erase marker, she got to work.

Ben Ladir-Famino – she looked at the name over and over again. She started rearranging the letters over and over. "Son of a bitch!" She got on the phone. "Coates, I need to see the admiral now!"

"He has an opening ma'am."

Mac got up and walked into the office. "Sir, Ben Ladir-Famino, rearrange the letters of his name, I AM FOR BIN LADEN. We have to call State on this one. I am pretty sure that Ben Ladir-Famino never existed. We need to get his real name and try to crack this terrorist cell."

"I agree with you Colonel. How did you ever think to do that?"

" an ex-fighter jock, turned lawyer, turned back to fighter jock, turned back lawyer, turned into spook, then back into lawyer, and then factor in that I can read and speak several different languages, my brain never stops working. I guess this is something I do fairly well."

The admiral dismissed her. "Colonel, good work. I need to call the appropriate agencies on this."

"Sir yes sir."

She walked out of the office and went to Bud's office (Harm's old office) to tell Bud she would be needing assistance on the case. After arguing with the Admiral about Harm's office, he decided that it should go to Bud with him being at JAG headquarters longer, he deserved a bigger office.

"Bud, congratulations on the step up. I guess Commander Smalls is being shipped to your old office."

"Yes ma'am, it came as quite a shock to him. I took the liberty of keeping some of Commander Rabb's things in here. I couldn't bear to move them. His presence is still everywhere."

"I know Bud. I will take the pictures and other things of his. You shouldn't keep this office as a shrine to him."

"Ma'am, I would like to keep a picture of your family in here."

"Of course Bud, you are the children's uncle of course. Speaking of which," she said picking up the picture of her and Harm at AJ's christening, "Harm and I decided a while back that we wanted you and Harriet to be Mackenzie's godparents along with Jen and Sergei."

"It would be an honor ma'am, just let us know when and where. Thank you Ma'am."

Mac picked up a couple of the other pictures and one fell to the ground and shattered. She looked down. It was a picture of her and Harm after one day of flying Sarah. It was the straw that broke the camel's back and the tears started coming again.

Bud saw her shoulders start to tremble. "Ma'am, I can clean the broken glass."

"Bud, what am I going to do without him?"

"I don't know ma'am, I honestly don't know." He put a hand on her shoulder. "He always brought out the best in us."

"Ma'am, Sir, Seaman Ladir-Famino just hit state soil. He is asking to only speak to you Colonel. The admiral wants to see both of you now."

The made their way into the admiral's office. "Commander Roberts and Colonel Mackenzie reporting as ordered sir!"

"At ease."

"Colonel you were right on the money. Seaman Ben Ladir-Famino never existed, well the name. The service record belonged to a Seaman Alejandro Guiteriz, he died three years ago on the attack on the Pentagon, Ben Ladir-Famino assumed his service record. I still haven't figured out how that went unnoticed. He is not willing to give us any details until he speaks to you."

"Where is he being held?"

"Quantico."

"I am on my way."

"Colonel, the doctor told you that you needed to watch your stress levels."

"With all due respect sir, if I don't get in there, nothing will be accomplished."

"I thought you would say that, which is why I am ordering for Commander Roberts to go with you."

"Yes sir." Bud replied. They went down to the motor pool and claimed a car for their day and made their way to Quantico for the day.

AN - Here is a rather long posting for the week - going out of town for the next couple of weeks. Wish me luck on the job hunt!


	5. Chapter Five

_**Chapter Five**_

Mattie woke up screaming, which then woke up the entire house. Trish flew into the room. "Daddy!"

"Mattie, sweetheart!" Trish tried to pull her close.

"Gram, I hate him!"

"Mattie, don't talk about your Dad that way."

Mattie threw the covers off her bed and wriggled out of her grandmother's grasp. Frank stood in the doorway holding Mackenzie who looked so much like both of her parents.

"He didn't love us!"

Trish stood up, "How can you say that Mattie? He loved all of her girls with every single bit of his being."

Mattie reached underneath the bed and found her sneakers that she was looking for. She threw them on her feet and pulled back her hair.

"Mattie where are you going?" Trish demanded.

"Away from here."

"Are we that terrible?" Trish frowned.

Mattie looked at her grandmother and ran down the stairs. Didn't her grandmother understand that her father was dead, Christmas and Thanksgiving would be a constant reminder of what went bad in her life.

She looked out at the ocean that her and her father loved so much and took off in the direction of the arena. "Mathilda Grace Rabb!" She heard her grandmother call after her.

Frank put a comforting hand on her back. "Take Mackie, I will handle Mattie."

"Frank, you don't know what it is like to deal with a child who has lost a father."

"I do Trish. I am better at handling teenager's grief."

Frank grabbed his jacket and found one for Mattie as he went after his grief stricken grandchild. His heart ached for her, and as a grandfather, he wished that he could take it away. He found Mattie about a mile away from the house sitting on the beach.

"Gramps, I hate myself for hating Dad for loving his country more than he did his family."

"He struggled with having to go. I caught him out in the pool house almost devastated because he didn't want to leave you and your sister behind. Then he realized that going over there would be keeping you safe sweetheart. He died trying to make the world a safer place."

"He was my dad for so little time. I thought we would have more time. I didn't have enough time to get to know him."

"Well, that is where I come in handy. I have known your father for most of his teenage years. You remind me of him."

"How? You know I'm adopted."

"So, you brought out the best in Harm. You gave him a run for his money. The real reason why he couldn't turn away from you is because you were him. You both are intelligent and perceptive people. You can read people's feelings faster and you try to find ways to help them. But do you know how you remind me the most of Harm?"

"No, what?"

"Your heart sweetheart. When the both of you love someone, you love them with all of you heart, and with every fiber of your being. That is why you are hurting so bad, because a big part of your heart is ripped out. All of us miss Harm, but your heart is causing you to feel it so much more than the rest of us."

"He won't be around to see me graduate from high school, or the academy, or when I graduate from flight school. Gramps, I know I sound selfish but who is going to walk me and Mackenzie down the aisle when we get married?" Mattie's resolve broke down again. "I miss him so much Gramps."

Frank held Mattie close and let her cry for the first time since the funeral.

_Unknown location_

Harm sat in the cell singing his dad's lullaby, alternating between his girls' name. It was the only thing that could help him sleep in the cold cell.

* * *

**_AN - Thanks for the reviews and patience everyone. I know that this was short, but - I think most of you got what you were waiting for. Let me explain Mattie's reaction - as a child from a military family (both parents, Dad longer than Mom though) I know that I was often angry with my Dad for broken promises and other things - this is how I think I would react if my Dad had died._**

**_Dee - Mattie's dreams do factor in a little, but not a lot - that was just a little foreshadowing._**

**_Webbie - I have been called evil several times - I might just become more evil._**

**_Minorcadence - I just started your story - keep up your good work, and I agree with you . . . _**

**_still disappointed - well don't read._**

**_To everyone else - as you just read, he is still alive, but not home -sigh- whatever will this author write next- - - rubs hands together and starts laughing manically! - - - only time in between finishing finals will tell!_**


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

_Somewhere in the Middle East_

_December 20, 2004_

Harm shook on the rack. For days he tried to put together the pieces of his scrambled memory, and that is all he had, scrambled memories. He remembered almost everything up until Thanksgiving day. He reached into his pocket and tried to find the locket that she had given to him, but it was no where to be found. He did find the picture of Mac, who was wearing his Navy ballcap, with Mattie and Mackenzie. He had printed the picture up and crammed it inside of one of the pockets. It had become his lifeline. His mind went back to that day.

"_Hammer, there is a SAM on our six!"_

_Harm tried to shake the SAM, but it had a lock on the plane. "Hang on Em."_

"_Do what you have to do Hammer."_

"_I am going to continue to try to shake it."_

_He tried his hardest but the missile had a lock. Emily screamed to eject, and she did. He tried to pull his ejection handle but nothing happened. _

_The missile finally hit the plane's wing and Harm tried desperately to keep the plane airborne. He went for an uncontrolled landing. He remembered landing the plane and walking over to where Emily's chute was._

_He heard voices talking to Emily. "Commander Graves, how nice it is to see you!"_

"_You!" She screeched. "YOU SOB!" Harm continued to run towards Emily. "Don't touch me!" Harm made his way closer and he cocked his pistol. He shot one of the men in the leg, but got hit over the head with a pistol. His arms were tied behind his back. He heard a gunshot, and that was his last conscious memory._

"Emily . . . Oh my God where is she."

"Commander Rabb, nice to see you are back with us."

"I wish that I could say the same thing Corporal Taylor. Why did you do this? Why are you selling out your country?" Harm asked recognizing one of the men that he had did a HALO insertion with. Taylor had been shot and when they went back for his body he was missing.

"I'm not selling out my country, I am selling out your country." He laughed.

Harm tried to stand but found himself shackled to the bed. "Where is Commander Graves?"

"She didn't make it Commander, she was fun while it lasted, but definitely not my type. Way to feisty."

"You bastard."

"By now her family has buried her." He smiled.

"At least you sent her home."

"It was the least we could do, we also sent you home too. From what I understand your funeral brought quite a turnout. Your fiancée, from what I heard, was a tower of strength. I also hear she is pregnant." Harm looked shocked. "What's wrong Commander, did you think that a woman like her would wait for you?"

"Shut up!"

"I mean, she is a lovely woman, must have lots of needs. Needs that a man like me could fulfill."

"You stay away from her you son of a bitch! I swear, I will kill you."

"You have to pull a Houdini first and get out of those shackles."

"How do you know Seaman Ladir-Famino?"

"Wouldn't you like to know? You would be amazed how many servicemen are part of this little terrorist cell." Harm blanched at it. "What's wrong Commander, you are looking a little ill. Don't understand how people can sell out their country?"

"Yeah, I don't understand." Harm answered him. "What do you want with me? Why not just kill me?"

"Do you believe in fate Commander?" Harm looked at the young corporal standing in front of him. Corporal Taylor waited for a few minutes, "What no answer? We will meet again."

Harm watched his interrogator leave the room. What was he doing here? Why did they need him? Harm closed his eyes and said a quiet prayer for Emily and then grieved. His family thought that he was dead, the chance of him being rescued had now been dashed.

Harm tried to fall asleep but couldn't, it wasn't like it mattered, he didn't know if it was night or day. A big man that Harm had nicknamed Goliath came barging into the room. He jerked Harm up to his feet and led him down the hall. Harm struggled with Goliath only to have Goliath string him up, hanging him by hooks.

Harm knew he wasn't going to enjoy this visit. "Commander, do you know why you are here?"

"Commander Harmon Rabb Junior. United States Navy, 099-74-8953." Harm told his interrogator.

"Commander, you know some information and we want it. You were working on a case on board the Patrick Henry. An illegal transmission, what else did you uncover working on that investigation?"

"Commander Harmon Rabb Junior. United State Navy, 099-74-8953." Harm repeated to them again. He was rewarded with getting hit across his jaw. He didn't make a sound.

"Did you know your fiancée got pregnant by another man while you were out to sea? Not like that matters, you will never see her again."

Harm got questioned over and over again. He didn't understand what they wanted to know, whatever information they wanted, he didn't have, or at least he didn't think he had it. It's not like they were going to get anything out of him other than name, rank, and serial number.

Harm the next day fell ill. He didn't know what brought it on, but he was vomiting violently, and after he lost whatever they gave him to sustain him, he just threw up air.

"Get up Commander, it seems like we have to get moving to a different location, we wouldn't want people to find you now would we."

"No, now that would be a freaking greek tragedy now wouldn't it." He answered sarcastically.

For his remark, he was rewarded with getting his over the head with a pistol, which probably was a good thing, he was able to escape to that small place in his mind where he could get back to something that once resembled his life.

Harm awoke in the jostling of a jeep several hours later. He longed for Mac's sense of timing, if she was with him, they would have been able to figure out a way out of this hell. He thought back to what his captors told him, could it be true, could Mac be pregnant with their child? Harm's resolve grew; he knew he would have to get home to his family somehow.

He closed his eyes and let his mind wander.

"_Dad, look what I can do!" A four year old Mackenzie exclaimed._

_Harm looked up from his chair on the patio. He was watching his little girl become a little fish. "Okay, Mackie you have daddy's attention." He told her getting up walking to the side of the pool. She was a daredevil._

"_Okay Daddy. 5 . . . 4. . . 3. . . 2. . . 1 BLASTOFF!" She yelled hurling herself off the diving board and into the deep end of the pool. Harm watched as she touched the bottom and swam all the way to the top. She made her way over to where she was and reached up to have him pick her up out of the pool._

"_Are you wrinkly enough?"_

_Mackenzie looked at her hands, "Yes sir. I think my lips are blue enough too. Can we go ride the horses?"_

"_Not tonight baby, you have been in the pool, and Mattie is coming home from the academy, so you have to get washed up for dinner."_

"_YAY! I haven't seen Mattie in two weeks now!"_

"_I know baby."_

"_Daddy, will you tell me the story of how you found me and Mattie again?" She asked as he scooped his precocious little girl out of the water. He was in the process getting all wet as she wrapped her small body around his._

"_Well Mackie, you came to live with me and you mom in April of 2004, and let me tell you, you were never a more wanted little girl." He started telling he as he walked into the house with her. He spotted a very pregnant Mac playing with their 27 month old son in the corner and Brennen came barreling down the stairs._

_"Harm, Jen and Sergei are coming with their baby tonight for dinner." Mac said. "Can you help Brennen with his reading homework?"_

"_We need a battle plan, I'll take the boys tonight, and you get the girls."_

"_Sounds good love." Mac told him._

"Who is Mackie?" A man speaking in a thick foreign accent asked him.

"None of your damn business," Harm said coming too out of his dream. He looked at his surroundings, he was in an older plane now. How long had he been out this time?

* * *

**_To everyone who has reviewed - it is official I have brought Harm back - not home yet, but back._**

Lise-Good luck on your finals.

Snugglebug-Woman's intuition - we all know that I couldn't really kill of Harm now, not with the diehard shipper I am

_Sorry if the timing is confusing, there are three storylines that are connected - Mac's life, Harm's life, and Mattie's life. I am flipping between their three lives they will be intertwinned soon - that is why Mac was left out of Chapter Five and now Mattie and Mac are left out of six. I just thought you guys would want a little bit of Harm in the story sooner rather than later, I could have drug out the angst for quite a while._


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

The first couple of days had brought nothing that could be considered of use, and Mac was getting tired of having to make this drive down, the state guys assigned to this case refused to let Mac in to see the prisoner. On the third day, Mac walked through the brig and found Clayton Webb standing off to the side waiting for her.

"Mac, you shouldn't have to go through this."

"I need to see the man who is responsible for the death of my fiancé Clay. Do you know why he is asking to speak to me only?"

"We haven't been able to figure that out yet. We haven't even been able to find out his real name."

"Okay Clay. Are you coming in with me?"

"He wants only you in the room. We will be right outside the cell watching through the two way mirror. Mac, try to get his real name and people in the terrorist cell."

"I know Clay, I know."

She walked into the room. "Seaman Ben Ladir-Famino, why don't you just tell us your real name that way we can drop the false pretenses?"

"Colonel Mackenzie, such a pleasure to meet you. Commander Rabb was always talking about his beautiful fiancé."

"I wish I could tell you the same. You are reason that my fiancé is gone."

"Are you so sure about that Colonel?"

"That you are the reason . . . yes! You gave away troop positions."

"That was only one part in the grand scheme of things. Commander Rabb knew some information that we need to know. We brought down his plane, killed the RIO, and interrogated him."

"What information could you possibly need from a pilot?" A thousand different questions ran in Mac's mind. Harm wasn't killed when the plane crashed! What if Harm was still alive? Oh God, what if Harm was still alive in country! She pushed the thoughts back.

"He was working to catch the people who were smuggling weapons out of Iraq. We needed troop positions that would tell us where the troops would be and where to effectively carry out or missions. He was sticking his nose in where it didn't need to be."

"Who else is in this group?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"Well at least tell me your real name that way when we charge you it is underneath your real name."

"Anwar Umawi, born in England raised in Iraq."

"Anwar Umawi, you are being charged with acts of terrorism against the United State along with at least two counts of murder and war crimes in accordance to the Geneva convention."

"Says who?

"Says the United States government."

"That is exactly your fiancé said when I left him in the Iraqi desert last week." Harm was killed on Thanksgiving Day.

"You are lying!"

"Why do you say such things Colonel?"

"Commander Rabb was killed on Thanksgiving day. There is no way you could have seen him in the desert last week."

"If that is what you have to tell yourself."

"DNA confirmed his remains. Guard!" She screamed. The guard walked in, "Take the prisoner away."

"I will see you again Colonel. The Commander is right, his fiancée is a very beautiful woman."

Mac took a seat in the room and when Clay and Bud came walking in. "Mac, are you alright?" Clay asked her.

"Well, as alright as I can be. We have to exhume Harm's grave."

"Ma'am, I placed a call to get that process started, but unfortunately with the holidays here, there is no one to exhume the grave until after Christmas." Bud told her.

"It is only December 20! Christmas isn't for another five days! In five days, who knows what could happen!"

"The person who exhumes the body is at a funeral, and then he is on vacation for one week." Bud explained to her. "Is there anyway we can get a search team out for the Commander?"

"Where would they begin to look Bud? Chances are that they killed him anyway and he is rotting in the desert." Clay told him, "But I am going to see what I can do. I owe him that much." Clay spun on his heel and started making calls into his cell phone.

"Ma'am?" Bud looked at her.

"Bud, I felt in my heart that he was still alive, but when Theresa Coulter told me that it was his remains, that the DNA had been confirmed, the logical part of me kicked in and I began to believe that he was dead."

"What does your heart tell you now?"

"That the love of my life, the father of my children is alive. I just can't pinpoint where." Mac started shaking. "Bud, what if he is alive? What if he is hurt? What if . . ."

"Ma'am, don't go borrowing trouble, and we will get through this. Are you going to tell Mattie?"

"No, I am going to wait until we know for sure. Right now there is no point behind getting her hopes up until we know something concrete."

"Why don't we head back to DC now." Bud suggested. "Where would you like to stop for supper? Beltway Burgers?"

"Oh God, I can't eat hamburgers right now, they don't agree with the baby. Can we go someplace that would serve good noodles and veggies?"

"Sure." Bud smiled at her.

"What are you smiling at Bud?"

"Nothing, just that I was thinking . . . the baby is taking after Commander Rabb already."

"Great, that is the last thing I need, another sailor in my family."

Bud escorted Mac out to the car and noticed that she was turning a shade of green. He braced himself for what was to come. Mac turned around and began to throw up in the closest trashcan. Bud walked up behind and her rubbed her lower back. "It always worked for Harriet."

"Thank you Bud, that feels really good."

"No problem ma'am."

"Bud, you are rubbing my back, I think it is about time you call me Mac."

"Yes ma'am." Bud answered her helping her to her feet. "Do you think you can handle a car ride to the local Japanese place?"

"Sure Bud."

Bud and Mac stopped to have dinner and went over options about trying to get Harm exhumed. It was going to be a rough process. Deeply depressed by the prospect of Harm being left in country, Mac started going deep in thought. Her thoughts were interrupted by her cell phone ringing.

"Mackenzie."

"Mac, it is Clay."

"Clay please tell me you have some good news."

"I just got off the phone with a contact of mine over there. There was an American being held, a man. They left the site though three days ago. The group mentioned something about heading west."

"So this means we have no clue where Harm is, or even if it is Harm." She sighed.

"Sarah, we are doing the best that we can right now. The trail is cold. We all thought he was dead. Who was the medical examiner that performed the DNA tests on the bodies?"

"I don't know. All I know is that Theresa Coulter called me with the news. I will get in contact with her and find out who exactly ran the test."

"It will have to wait until tomorrow Mac. Terry is on a transport right now."

"Clay, thanks for everything that you are trying to do."

"Mac, he was my friend too, no matter what happened with us in the past. I always respected Rabb and he never deserved to be captured. Go home Mac, get some rest, for you and the baby's sake."

"I'll try." She hung up and looked at Bud who had just gotten off the phone with Admiral Jonas who was shocked to hear that Harm may be alive. Admiral Jonas was going to get on the phone and see if he could get the ball rolling on getting the remains exhumed.

Bud pulled up to JAG headquarters. "Are you going to be alright ma'am?"

"Yeah Bud, I will be fine. Thank you for everything today."

"I will pray that everything turns out okay ma'am."

"Thank you Bud."

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me or Harriet."

"Thank you Bud."

She made her way to the Pacifica and went to throw her briefcase in the back. She climbed into the car and went to the house. The only person who would be greeting her today would be Sergei.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

_2200 EST  
Harm and Mac's House  
__King George, VA_

"_Mac, where are you I need you!" Harm's voice echoed through her head._

"_Baby, I am coming, I promise, no matter what I will find out what happened to you!"_

"_Sarah, it hurts . . . I don't know how much longer I can keep going."_

"_Harm, hang on please, I love you so much, please just hold on two seconds longer."_

"_I will always love you Sarah." She heard him say. She heard angry voices in the background. The sounds of a gun cocking made Sarah sprint into a run, she was going to search everywhere through the black wilderness. _

"_Harm hold on, I am coming!"_

"_I love you." She heard the sound of a gun firing. She ran until she found him. She picked him up and cradled him. _

"_I love you too."_

Mac woke up and flung the blanket that Sergei had draped over her when he had come in and found her asleep on Harm's chair. She walked into the kitchen and started watching the snow fall. She walked up to her bedroom and pulled out Harm's Navy sweatshirt, the one he loved to wear when he went running.

She walked into the small room that she was setting up for Brennen. It was a good thing that Harm had opted for a big house. With the new baby coming, she had planned to put him/her in the nursery that was attached to their bedroom. Brennen's room was decorated with race cars. "Emily, I hope you knew what you were doing asking me to raise your child."

Walking down the stairs, Mac picked up the keys for the Pacifica, she was going to need the four wheel drive to navigate through the snowy streets of the capital today. She needed to get out and clear her head, mostly she wanted to visit him. Today they were supposed to place his headstone.

_2245  
__Arlington National Cemetery_

Mac parked her car in the lot and made her ways through the cemetery. She heard voices coming from the direction she was going. To her relief, she saw the men walk away and they hopped into a car and left. Mac continued on her trek towards Harm's gravestone.

She saw a figure on the ground. Mac realized the man was wearing dirty camos and smelled. He must have not showered in weeks. She was angry that a homeless man was on top of her fiancé's grave.

She turned the man over and gasped. "Harm!" Her fingers started trembling as she reached out and tried to find a pulse. Thankfully, her prayers were heard and she found a weak, but steady pulse. Her voice began to betray her. Could it really be him? His face was battered and bruised, his lip was split open, an eye was swollen shut. He had never looked more handsome.

Looking him over, she heard his breathing start lapsing, "Harm, don't you dare leave!"

He opened up his good eye, "Sarah . . . I am so glad you are here . . . I wanted to tell you that I love you."

"Don't you dare! Stay awake sailor." The snow was falling more heavily. She saw the snow was turning red. Her worst fear was confirmed, he was bleeding from a wound in his side. She reached into her purse and grabbed her cellphone.

"911 what is your emergency."

"I need an ambulance dispatched to Arlington National Cemetery. My fiancé has been beaten. Please hurry, he doesn't have much time!" She sobbed into the phone.

"Ma'am, can you meet the ambulance at the entrance and take them to where he is?"

"Yes."

"The ambulance is on its way. Should be a couple of minutes."

She hung up the phone. She looked down at him. "Harm, I have to meet the ambulance."

"Don't leave me."

Mac thought about her options, what if the men came back? "Can you walk?"

"Head hurts, leg is broken."

Mac got up and helped him up. "Come on, I'll support you."

"Don't . . . want . . . to . . . hurt . . . you." The words came out labored.

"You won't, come on. I am not going to leave you here!" He was trying not to put the force of his weight down on her. She unlocked the backseat and was thankful that she had brought the Pacifica, the Lexus still had Mackenzie's car seat in the back. She laid him down and stroked his head. "I love you so much."

"Mac, it hurts."

"I know baby, I know. Don't waste your breath trying to talk." She looked over at him and saw his head lull off to this side, "Hang on Harm, the ambulance is almost here."

* * *

_Snugglebug: Not exactly a shipper's dream just yet - but he is back with her now._

_Lurkz: Yep, alive, well kinda_

_Minorcadence: Yep found - I have a sinster plot brewing in my head on why he was dumped on his grave._

_harm oneill: Thanks for loving the stories - chapter eight is up, I will try to get nine up before I graduate next week._

_Bookworm: I haven't quite figured out how I am going to end Resemblance - obviously ending Handling It the way I did, I won't be able to use that again - - - ideas floating in head though - - - I will watch tonight, and then decide how this will end at the end of the summer._

_Manic Penguin: My Mac never lost hope, but the influences of others influenced what she outwardly put out. _

_Keep reviewing everyone - where do you want this story to turn? I'll try to add romantic parts, pregnancy mishaps, maybe, just maybe a wedding (whose though?) Rubs hands together again as epiphany thought popped in my head! Thanks for reading everyone. Nic_


	9. Chapter Nine

_**Chapter Nine:**_

_2310 EST_

_Bethesda Naval Hospital_

_Bethesda, MD  
_

Mac watched in horror as they almost lost Harm in the ambulance. She felt so helpless and she started to let the tears fall. She reached over and held his hand to her heart. "Come back to me Harm."

The doctor ran out, "Ma'am can you tell me what happened?"

"Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. I found him like this on his grave. Please, just help him." She pleaded with him.

The EMT looked at the doctor and told him everything that happened while en route to the hospital.

"Ma'am, I need you to calm down. Is there anyone I can call for you?" The nurse said running out to assist.

"Nurse, we need to get this man in here fast." The doctor lifted Harm on to one of the ER tables.

"Ma'am what can you tell us to the extent of injuries?"

"I don't know anything. We thought he was dead up until 8 hours ago. He was captured in Iraq, but found here."

The nurse looked sympathetically at Mac. "You are looking a little green."

"Probably because I am 10 weeks pregnant and getting ready to lose my dinner." She turned and threw up in the trashcan. "Just take care of him. I need to call our CO. Is there a phone I can use?"

"Use the one at the nurses station."

Mac walked up to the nurses station, picked up the phone, and dialed the number to the Admiral Jonas.

Ring . . . Ring . . .

"Jonas residence."

"Hi Mrs. Jonas. This is Colonel Mackenzie. I need to speak with the Admiral."

"Mac, how are you doing dear? Hold on let me get my husband."

Admiral Jonas got on the line. "Mac, do you realize what time it is?"

"Sir, I'm sorry, Commander Rabb has been found, he is at Bethesda right now."

"I'll call AJ. I am on my way."

"Thank you sir."

Mac went over to the waiting area and put her head in her hands and started to sob. The love of her life was a few yards away fighting for his life. She didn't know if she should feel relief or if she should feel anger. While she was fighting her inner demons, AJ Chegwidden had slipped in and put a friendly arm around her shoulders.

"How the hell did Rabb wind up back here?"

"I have no clue. I found him on his grave, broken leg and bleeding. Talk about ironic situations, finding the man you thought was dead on top of his grave. He lost consciousness. How would you feel?"

"I honestly don't know. Mac, you have to stay calm for this baby, think on the positive side, your children will have a chance to be with their dad for a very long time."

"I am ecstatic that he is home. But right now, he is in for the fight of his life, trust me I know. Coming back from torture is a hard thing." AJ didn't think about the psychological implications of the type of torture that Harm had to endure, he knew that Harm had to go through it before. "I found him, battered and broken."

"Mac, Harm has faced torture before."

"But he should never have to face it again! Hasn't he been through enough?"

"Haven't you been through enough?" AJ countered back.

Mac was silent for a few moments and uncurled herself from the ball she had pulled herself into. "My fiancé is home."

"Yeah he is."

Admiral Jonas walked through the doors. "Do you know what type of paperwork hell this is going to be, how do you declare someone undead? Damn, Harm must have twenty lives."

The doctor walked out, "Colonel Mackenzie?"

"Yes Doctor?"

"Who did this to him?"

"I don't know. I found him like that."

The doctor started to fill him in. "His injuries are consistent with that of abuse."

"That is completely absurd!" AJ Chegwidden yelled. "Of course he was abused. He was a prisoner of war, and for some reason he was left for dead on his gravesite."

"Please, just help him. Please," She pleaded, starting to feel light headed, she staggered backward.

AJ caught her again. "Doctor, she is two and a half months pregnant, please do not upset her."

"Colonel, when was the last time you ate?"

"And kept it in my stomach? About two weeks ago." She answered.

"I'll have the cafeteria bring you something." The nurse replied.

"Anyway, Commander Rabb is going to need surgery to reset his leg, plus rehab for it. He needs exploratory surgery for internal bleeding, a collapsed lung, and to repair damage caused by the abuse. We are pretty sure he has a nasty concussion also. He is unconscious at the time being. Who holds medical power of attorney? We can't find his records considering he is technically dead."

"I hold power of attorney. I'm his fiancée. Just do what you have to do to save him, please!"

"Sign these papers, and we will take him up."

Mac gave the papers a quick glance and signed them. "I want to see him first."

"I can arrange that. We also have some personal affects of his that were in his pockets." He handed her a picture – it was her wearing his Navy ball cap on Thanksgiving day, Mattie was standing next to her holding Mackenzie. He had told her that he would carry it with him. She walked into the trauma room where he was hooked up to machines.

"Hey Baby. Do you know how much I love you?" She picked up his hand and placed it over her heart. "This heart is beating for you right now. You are my heart, and well, I just love you so much." She placed his hand on her stomach that was holding their child, "Did you know that on Thanksgiving, I found out that I was pregnant? I had decided that if it was a boy, I would name him after you, but we can talk about that."

A nurse had walked in, "Colonel Rabb, the surgeons are ready for him now."

She didn't bother correcting the nurse, and leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead. "I am walking up with him as far as possible." The nurse nodded. Mac held Harm's hand right up until they hit the surgery ward's door. "Harm, I love you. Don't forget it."

AJ Chegwidden and Admiral Jonas stood by the door waiting for Mac's eventual collapse. The pregnancy hadn't exactly been an easy one she had morning sickness and her doctor's had warned her not to let the stress levels escalate. Mac walked back to them.

AJ and Admiral Jonas watched the myriad of emotions wash across her face. Smiles mixed with tears, laughter mixed with cries. Then what AJ was expecting, rage. "He was alive, he spent nearly a month in that hell! This whole time I felt that he was alive, and everyone kept telling me to ignore those feelings! I could have found him, saved him, like . . ."

"He did for you." AJ finished. "Mac, no one knew. The identities of his remains were confirmed through DNA analysis."

"He was in Iraq, being tortured, nobody knew or cared! I felt that he was alive! People told me I was wrong, and I started to listen to them!"

"Mac, even if we knew that he made it out of his Tomcat, we didn't know where he was being held . . . you couldn't have gone in country and left your children behind . . . Colonel, you are pregnant, with his child, he left letters to both me and AJ telling us to convince you that he was gone."

"Your lying!" She screamed forgetting she was screaming at her CO. She blanched for a second. "Sorry sir." She said locking it in.

"Apology accepted Colonel. I am ordering you to go to the cafeteria with us to go get something to eat. I brought the letter that Harm left us for you to read. I thought that you might get angry with everyone pushing you to believe he was dead. Now, lets go get something to eat and then you can read what your fiancé practically ordered us to do." Admiral Jonas said smiling at her.

"I need to tell a nurse where I will be so they can contact me when Harm makes it out of surgery."

"Already taken care of Mac." AJ put a comforting hand on her back. "He is a strong man with three beautiful women to come home to and a new baby on the way."

"He also has a three year old ward to raise with me." Mac saw both of the older men's eyebrows rise, "Sir, you were going to get my papers for adding Brennen on to my dependent list. He is legally my ward starting the beginning of next year."

"I'm sure Harm will be thrilled not to be outnumbered anymore." AJ told her helping her into the elevator. With the drop of pressure, Mac got lightheaded and started to swoon.

"Steady Mac."

She put her hand on her stomach, "Listen here Trey, Mommy just got the shock of her life, and I need for you to ease up a little bit. I promise that I will feed you."

"Trey?"

"Harmon Rabb III, I was trying it out, with Harm declared dead, I felt that I should do something to have him carry on. But I see his personality shining through with Mattie and Mackenzie. His brother has many of Harm's mannerisms. Sergei has been a God send when it comes to helping out with the girls."

And on cue, Sergei came barreling around the corner, "Mac, is it true?"

"Sergei, I should have called you right away, I found Harm on top of his grave at Arlington." She started sobbing into his arms. He held her for a couple of seconds and rubbed her back.

"Sarah, look into my eyes." Sergei spoke to her, "My brother, my father, and I have all survived torture camps. We are Rabbs, we can make it through anything that life throws at us."

Jen was standing beside him putting a comforting hand on his back. "The hero made it home. He told us he would. We just have to be there for him and for you. Mac, it took you and Harm a long time to make it through your torture, and you still have flashbacks."

"Is it that obvious Jen?"

"You do well on covering, but Harm asked for me to look out for you."

"Did my fiancé ask everyone to look out for me? He makes it seem like I can't take care of myself!"

"Mac, we are all a family, and families look out for each other." AJ told her gently coming up with some food for her to eat.

Mac put her head in her hands, "I have to call Mattie, she has the right to know about Harm."


	10. Chapter Ten

**_Chapter Ten:_**

Mattie was sitting in the living room holding Mackenzie. Mattie walked over to the DVD player and switched on a movie that her and Mackenzie could watch.

Harm's face appeared on the screen and Mackenzie started squealing with delight, "Dada!" She said pointing to the screen.

"Yeah Mackie, that's Dada."

"Hi Mattie and Mackenzie. Well, I just thought that I sit and talk to my girls awhile. You know Matts, your mom sent me a tape of you practicing for drill team a couple of days ago. I think that if you flicked your wrists a little more, you could get more spin on the rifle. Also, your uncle Sergei tells me there is a boy that has been coming around the house and that he is keeping a close eye on you. I love you so much Mattie. I wish that I could have been there for your first date." Mattie had a tear running down her face. Trish and Frank had came down and they were watching their grandchildren watch their dad on TV. Harm smiled at them.

"Mattie, I want you to do great in school, be good for Mom, and mind Sergei. Keep an eye on Mackenzie okay?" Harm asked her. "Keep sending me tapes of your volleyball practices, and I will continue calling you with different tips for your spikes." Mattie had tears streaming down her face watching her father. Mackenzie looked at her sister and blew her a kiss; this simple gesture caused Mattie to laugh.

"I love you Mackenzie!" Mattie said picking up her sister, playing airplane with her, just as Harm did do many times.

"Matts!" Mackenzie screeched.

"I love you girls so much," Harm said softly to them. "Mackenzie, how much do you love Daddy?"

Mackenzie regarded her father for a moment on the screen and stretched her arms out wide and giggled. Harm opened up his arms, "This much!" Mackenzie then blew her dad a kiss. "Dada!"

Harm sang the girls a lullaby with his friends guitar, and Mattie and Mackenzie fell asleep on the couch.

Trish had tears streaming down her face. "First my husband, and now my son."

"Oh Trish." Frank comforted her. One of the maids came down and Frank stopped her, "Maria, bring a blanket for the girls. They are sleeping in the parlor tonight, and set the DVD to play Harm singing over and over."

"Yes sir."

Frank ushered his wife upstairs and held her. He looked over at the nightstand and saw the small bronze sculpture that Harm had given him before he left. "Son, your family misses you so much." He whispered.

Mattie heard the phone ring at 9:00 the next morning out in California. Mattie rolled over off the couch and landed on the floor in a thud. Mackenzie watched her sister in her playpen crawl across the room to the phone.

"Burnett residence."

"Mattie, it's Mom."

"Mom, are you okay? Why are you calling so early? Did something happen, do you need me to come back home?"

"Slow down Mathilda. I'm okay, the baby is okay. Mattie, there is something I need to tell you."

Mattie held her breath waiting for more bad news, "Did you get orders to be transferred? Are we going to have to move from our house?"

"Nothing like that sweetheart. I just don't know how to tell you this. Is your grandmother awake?"

"I hear her coming down the stairs."

Trish came padding down the stairs. "Mathilda, who is on the phone honey?"

"Mom. Gram, pick up the extension."

"Hi Trish. There is no easy way to say this, Harm has been found alive."

Mattie let out a gasp and started crying in her grandmother's arms. "Mom, I knew he was alive. How is he, can I talk to him? Mom, I want to come home."

"Matts, I found him barely alive on top of his grave at Arlington. He is in surgery now, and I am remaining cautiously optimistic."

"Sarah, we will be out there as soon as possible."

"Thank you Trish."

Mac hung up the phone and sat with AJ, Admiral Jonas, Sergei and Jen. She reached over for her caffeine-free Diet Coke and salad. "You know Mac, I think that this child is definitely taking after Harm." AJ pointed out to her.

Mac smiled at him. "I really wouldn't mind having another little child that will look like Harm, especially if . . ."

"Don't go there Colonel." Admiral Jonas said, "Harm is a fighter, literally."

"There are some demons though that can and will play in his mind."

"What do you mean?"

"Other than the sounds of the door opening the first couple of nights you are safe, there is something in your mind that ticks, thinking that you are going to have to go to the hell where they play with your mind. Not to mention, something happened to Emily over there – what if she is still alive? What if she died in front of Harm's eyes? I can't protect him from the evils."

"Mac, Harm might be able to make it through everything just yet." Sergei said. "My wife was killed, my mother was killed, while I was in a prison camp. A strong woman can help you survive anything."

Jennifer smiled bringing them coffee. "Harm has a lot to live for, and I am sure that he won't want to miss out on anything."

Mac unconsciously rubbed her stomach. The doctor who had operated on Harm came into the lounge and greeted them. "Colonel, the surgery took longer than expected."

"Six hours 22 minutes." Mac stated. "How is he?"

"I'm not going to sugarcoat this. His body has gone through an awful lot, and it seems that his brain has shut down. In other words, he is in a coma." The coke slipped from Mac's hand and hit the ground. AJ walked up behind her to steady her.

"What can you tell us doctor?"

"We had to remove his spleen, which was lacerated from what looks like a knife wound. The lacerations on his back were infected. We cleaned what we could. . . while on the table we lost him." Mac gasped.

"The biggest problem right now is the infection that is raging in his body. We don't know what it is, but we are treating it with a broad spectrum antibiotic meds. The neurologist is assessing brain function. The concussion seems to be pretty severe, and there is a lot of swelling. We were able to reset his leg, it should heal nicely. The short of it is that we are amazed he is still alive. We will know more within the next 48 to 72 hours."

"I want to see him."

"Colonel, he is in a coma."

"I''m his fiancée. The mother of his children, he is my heart. I have to see him and sit with him, and hold him."

"I'll see to it that he is moved to a private room with a guard," Admiral Jonas said. Mac just looked at him, "Whoever brought him here is still wandering around the US, and we don't know if they thought Harm was dead when they dumped him or not. I want him guarded." He explained.

Mac nodded, knowing that he would be safe at last in her arms.

_AN - I wanted to get this out before I graduated. Hopefully after I get finished moving, I will be able to knock this out. What do you want? Let the author know, and I will write it. Thanks for all the reviews._

_Abigaile - There will be reactions soon._

_Alix33 - All will be explained slowly, as soon as I figure it out -I figured people wanted Harm back, and this is a way he haven't been brought back yet._

_Brittany - Not planning on breaking them up just yet again, I mean I just got them back together, a little bit of shipperness will be thrown in if I feel nice._

_- I am hoping that I am writing this Mac a little nicer. She loves her Harm, and understands coming back from torture. My Mac is in counseling, and this will be seen in the next couple of chapters._

_cmdrchasenovack - Mattie worships Harm. Their hospital scene will hopefully be inspired. Working on it though, writing emotions are hard._

_whalekc85 - We will find out why he was dumped on his grave. I am thinking maybe a CIA twist (an underground operative perhaps saves Harm) there is a huge storyline there, but I wanted to bring the family back together first - have you read some of the threats!_

_FroggyO3 and Manic Penguin - Harm will come back to his family, I think, I haven't written that far yet. True shipper though - umm - hint, the title Resemblance of Life doesn't just apply to Mac, but to Harm also, he may have a slight psychological problem, he may not bounce back real quick, trying to keep this as real as my little world can be. . . . _

_To everyone else I haven't responded to thanks for the support! More next week._


	11. Chapter Eleven

_**Chapter Eleven:**_

Mac walked with the doctor down the corridor to Harm's hospital room. "Colonel, I want to let you know that is that he hooked up to a ton of machines and IVs right now. He is pale from fighting the infection."

"Alright Doctor." She walked into his room and saw his face, battered and bruised. The doctor pulled up chair for her to sit in.

"Colonel, I'll have the staff bring you something to eat. It isn't good for you to live on salad alone, can you handle a chicken sandwich?"

"Yes, thank you doctor."

"I also overheard you talking to your friends out that, are you still experiencing nausea?"

"Yes."

"I'll call your OB, is it Commander McElveen?"

"Yes."

"I'll make sure she stops by to write you a prescription for some anti-nausea medication so you can start gaining weight."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

"Is there anything else I can do?"

"Can you call Commander McCool? I have been seeing her for the past year, and would like to talk to her."

"Sure. I don't know what I would do if I my husband came back from the dead. Colonel, I have seen lesser men bounce back, and I would say don't give up on him yet. His brain and body are remarkable. He just needs time to heal. I will be back to check on him later. Oh, Colonel you can call me Liz, I am sure we will be seeing a lot of each other over the next couple of days." She said walking out the door.

"Call me Mac." She said settling down into her chair. She picked up an ice chip and ran it over his chapped lips. "Hi Flyboy, I bet that this feels great."

She brushed her hand over his hair. She leaned in and gave him a kiss. "You know Harm, I knew deep down that you were still alive. Everyone told me to believe that you were gone, but I just couldn't believe it." She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "When you are feeling up to it, we will take Mattie, Brennen, and Mackenzie to the beach. I will be as huge as a whale, and if you ever tell me that, after I give birth I will kick your six!" She told her sleeping fiancé. "Come back to me soon Harm. I need you here."

She pulled her chair closer to him and leaned in to put her head on his chest. She felt the steady rise and fall of his chest due to him breathing. Luckily he hadn't had to be put on a ventilator. She shut her eyes for a few moments and listened to the hustle and bustle of the hospital.

_Dream:_

"_Harm, where are you?" Mac screamed. She was in Iraq again, dirty and in camos. She heard the three men come up behind her again, tugging her hands behind her and pushing her down to her knees. They threw a dark mask over her face and drug her around._

_They threw her into room. Lt. Aslambad took off her mask and she saw Harm. He was lying on the ground, bleeding and unconscious._

"_What did you do to him?" She hissed, struggling to get to her feet, only to be knocked back down._

"_He had information we wanted, so we tried to beat it out of him." Her captures answered. _

_She heard him groan and watched him get back up. Shaking his head, his eyes locked with hers. "I love you." He mouthed to her. The captures saw him getting up and kicked him in the head. She saw him kick him over and over._

_She screamed for them to stop and one of them started shaking her._

_End Dream_

"YOU'RE HURTING HIM!" Mac screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Mac, sweetheart, it's AJ." He said calmly to her. Dr. McCool stood in the corner of the room unnoticed by both of them.

"AJ, I couldn't protect him. I tired, but I felt like I was being pulled back by my captures. They were beating him, kicking him in the head."

"Lucky for us, Harm has a thick skull Mac." AJ answered smiling at her. Mac shook her head and let the tears fall.

"I should have been there for him; I should have followed my instincts. He is going to hate me for not being there for him."

Dr. McCool stepped out of the shadows. "You know Mac, I think you hate yourself for not being there for him."

"I didn't need a psychology to tell you that!" She bit at her. "He is my heart, my soul. I should have known. I love him so much, and all I can do is sit here."

"You are used to fighting your way out Mac, now he has to be the one to do the fighting. I have learned a lot about you. You hate feeling helpless. Which was worse, being held hostage or watching your kids get sick?"

"When Mattie was hurt or Mackenzie was sick. When I was being held hostage, I could at least try to fight them. But I am their mother, and I couldn't do anything for them. Now look at Harm, I could have done something for him."

"I have a feeling that Harm is stubborn like him. Give him time to heal, and I am sure you too will be chasing Mackenzie around again in no time."

"Yeah Mom, don't discount Dad yet." Mattie said walking through the door holding a very tired Mackenzie.

Mac ran up to her kids and swept them up in a hug. "I won't. I forgot that your father is a Rabb for a moment."

"MAMA!" Mackenzie screeched burying her head into Mac's shoulder.

"Hi Mackie." Mac said rubbing her back. "Mattie, Mackenzie is a little warm."

"Yeah. She wasn't feeling well last night, so I stayed up with her and watched Dad movies. I will take her home and keep an eye on her. I expect you home tonight to get a good night's rest."

Mac looked at her teenager and was getting ready to refuse, but Admiral Jonas came it. "Sounds like an excellent order Miss Rabb. Mac, I need you to take care of your kids. I will stay here and make sure no harm comes to Harm. You will be my first call tomorrow morning."

Mac knew she had been beat. She hadn't left the hospital since 32 hours ago when she first found Harm. His Navy sweatshirt had his blood on it, and she really needed a shower. "I'll go home for a few hours tonight, but will be right back here tomorrow morning." Mattie took her Mother's hand and led her down to the elevator where Frank and Trish were waiting. She watched them drive away and she made her way to the Pacifica and followed them home.

_AN: Sorry so short guys, but this chapter came to me, so here it is. Answer to reviews:_

_Just wondering: I am usinga communication chart saying that most children by ten months can say one or two simple words. Mackenzie is ten months old, so I thought MAMA, DADA, and MATTS were easy enough words for her to say._

_Manic Penguin: Thanks, I might just do that. Good luck on your doctorate, I just finished my masters in speech therapy, I don't envy you one bit. I wrote a paper a couple weeks ago on traumatic events and selective mutism._

_Aserene: As always, am glad to see that you are still keeping up. I hope I didn't shock you too bad with the news that he was still alive._

_Nisha: His family just adores the ground he walks on, I haven't written that far, and it is slow going, but I think that Harm will have some ups and downs, and his family will be there for him._

_Amanda: I haven't figured if it will be a boy or a girl yet. I might make Harm suffer the same way my dad did with four girls. I will take votes on boy or girl._

_To everyone else: Thanks for reading and reviewing._


	12. Chapter Twelve

_**Chapter Twelve**_

_1800 EST  
__Harm and Mac's House  
__December 22, 2004_

Mattie carried Mackenzie up to the room, and Frank and Trish made their way back to the hospital. They wanted to see Harm and spend a couple of hours with them. Mac walked into the nursery and watched Mattie put a sleeping Mackenzie in her crib.

"You are an awesome big sister Mattie. I don't think I tell you that enough."

"You are an awesome Mom." Mattie said in kind. Mac reached into Mackenzie's diaper bag and pulled out her stuffed Tomcat.

"Well, just how jet lagged are you?"

"I still have a couple hours left."

"Play a game of HORSE with me?" Mac asked her walking down the stairs.

"Sure Mom, after we eat. I know you haven't been eating enough, so what does my little brother want today?"

"Matts, sit down. I'm the mom, I will cook." She said ruffling her hair.

"Okay. So, tell me, when will Dad wake up?" Mattie asked watching her mom take out stuff for sandwiches.

"Sweetie, your dad lapsed into a coma." Mac put as gently as possible. They had a policy of never lying, even if they wanted to sugar coat things. "They don't know when he will wake up."

"So even if he is here, he might not wake up?"

"A slight chance Matts, but don't give up on your dad. He loves you, and will fight like hell back to his girls."

"Have you thought of a name yet?" Mattie asked changing the subject.

"I was going to call him Harm III." Mac answered her daughter setting a chicken sandwich in front of her, "Trey for short."

"Dad once told me he didn't want his son to be teased like he was. Looks like you are back to the drawing board."

"What do you think?"

"I don't know. Dad said little AJ picked out the name for Mackenzie. He was prancing around the carrier singing a song about his Aunt Mac."

Mac smiled. "That sounds like AJ."

"You ready for me to beat you in HORSE?"

"In your dreams Matts."

Back at the hospital, that is exactly what harms was having was dreams.

_Bethesda Naval Hospital  
__1900 EST  
__Harm's Room_

Trish Burnett walked up and put a hand on her baby boy's head. "Oh Harm. You are burning up!" She kissed his forehead.

Frank walked in and put a hand on her shoulder. He gave it a little squeeze and walked over to his stepson's bedside. "Hi Harm." He leaned down and listened to Harm wheeze. The blare of the monitors in his room started ringing, and Trish hit the button. The marine guard posted by Admiral Jonas ushered Frank and Trish through the doors while the doctors worked on Harm.

_Harm's Mind_

"_Hey, what are you doing to me?" Harm screamed._

"_Calm down soldier." Harm heard a voice say. He looked over and saw a man wearing a tunic from the Crusades standing in the corner._

"_Who are you?"_

"_I am your great-great-great something or another grandfather, Balin Gabriel Rabb."_

"_Where is my dad?"_

"_Watching over your precious little girl. She is running a slight fever, but Harmon wanted to see to it himself."_

"_Mackenzie is sick again! I have to get back to her."_

"_Well soldier, you are really sick right now. You have to get better yourself. You have to fight for your life."_

"_Balin, I am so tired of fighting."_

"_Harm, we have all fought for our lives, some won, some lost, but you my boy, my soldier, you are meant to keep fighting."_

"_Where did you fight for your life?"_

"_Jerusalem, they holy crusades. I helped defend the city. That was my destiny, not to see my children grow old. That is not yours, keep fighting Harm."_

"_I'm so tired."_

"_Damn it soldier, keep fighting."_

"_Yes sir."_

Harm's mother stood over her soon. They had put Harm on a ventilator. "Keep fighting my little soldier." She leaned down and gave her son a kiss on the cheek. "Harm, if you can hear me, bring my son back to me." She asked her husband. She sat in the chair next to her soon and held his hand. Frank walked in, he had left to call Mac. "I'm staying longer Frank."

"Trish, I never expected you to go. I brought a blanket for you." He handed the blanket to his wife and took up residence at the other side of his stepson's bed.

_0700 EST  
__Harm and Mac's House  
__December 23, 2004_

Mac heard Mattie sobbing softly in her room. She walked in and held Mattie close and started stroking her hair. "Hey Mattie. Bad dream?"

"No."

"Worried about your dad?"

"Yeah. I heard that Gramps called yesterday. What did he say about Dad?"

"Your dad developed pneumonia and they had to put a tube in his throat to help him breathe. If he improves today, they will take the tube out. What got you so upset?"

"The damn internet."

"Come again?"

"The internet. I got online and looked up things about comas, and it got me upset."

Mac smiled, "Baby, you told me not to discount your dad just yet, and I'm not. Remember your dad has a lot to live for."

"I know Mom. Is Mackenzie feeling better?"

"Yeah she is. When we finish breakfast I am taking everyone to go see Harm."

"Okay."

"Get moving Kiddo. I have to get Mackenzie ready and you know how fussy she can be in the morning."

"Yeah, I know, she takes after Dad. I take after you." She said smiling giving her mom a kiss on the cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too Matts."

_AN: I tried to put in a hodgpodge of things in this chapter. I decided on the sex and the name of the baby - that will be discussed way futher down in the story - have to get through Harm in hospital and getting back home, dealing the injuries, catching the bad guys, to get to the romantic fluff fluff I am intending on writing._

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I will answer some reviews in next chapter, so if you have anything you like me to know or answer, leave it and I will hopefully get back to you. Thanks again for reading._


	13. Chapter Thirteen

_**Chapter Thirteen**_

_0930 EST  
December 23, 2004  
Bethesda, MD_

Mac walked into Harm's room with her children in hand. Mackenzie didn't realize that it was her father in the bed, but unfortunately for Mattie, she saw the state that Harm was in. Mac saw the conflicting emotions running across her teenagers face, and just as she was about to tell Mattie that it was still her dad, she saw her teenager muster a strength from deep down. She walked over to her father and took his hand.

"Hey Dad," She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "You have one ugly mug right now, but I promise it will get better." She walked over and got Mackenzie from Mac's arms.

Mackenzie got closer to Harm and she studied him intently. Looking down at him, she started squealing, "DADA!" Mattie held Mackenzie over her father.

"Mackenzie, how much do you love Daddy?"

Mac watched intently as her younger daughter stretched out her arms like she had down in the past, and then watched her blow him a kiss and giggle.

"When did she learn that?" Mac asked running over sweeping her up.

"Dad had started doing that on the videos to end it, and she started picking it up. Mackie blow!"

Mackenzie looked at her mom and blew her a kiss. Mac started laughing, and she walked over to Harm. "Hey there Dad. You have a lot of children waiting for you to come home." She squeezed his hand.

The doctor came in reading his personal patient directory. "We have noticed there has been increase in his brain activity."

Sergei walked in looking dead on his feet. "It is because he is surrounded by three beautiful women." Mattie ran up to him and gave her uncle a hug. Frank and Trish weren't too far behind.

"Uncle Sergei, how did your finals go?"

"I did alright, my beautiful niece."

"He is being modest, he got straight As. His transcripts finally came from Russia, and he will be able to start med school next fall if he does well on the MCATS." Jen said positively beaming.

Mac hugged him. "That is good news. Are you going to stay in Georgetown for med school?"

"Yeah. Jennifer is just playing down her grades, she made straight As in her classes too."

Mackenzie started squealing, and the doctor looked at the readouts. "Whenever he hears one of you, his brain shows more activity."

Mac and Mattie went to his bedside. Mattie began talking first, "Hi Daddy. I know you are there, give us a sign. Mom is right beside you."

"Harm, honey, can you open your eyes?"

Harm was coming out of his haze. He started struggling against the tube that was lodge in his throat. "He is fighting the tube. We can't take it out yet though."

Mac put a hand on his chest. "Baby, don't fight the tube, open your eyes!" His eyes started fluttering, and he heard Mattie gasp.

"Dad!" His blue eyes shown through, showing confusion, and he looked rapidly between Mattie and Mac (who was holding Mackenzie). He looked at his girls, and Mattie immediately felt relief.

"We are going to take him down for testing as soon as possible." The doctor said putting orders into the personal computer. "I will call for the respiratory therapist to come and take the tube out."

The doctor left and Mattie walked over to her Dad. "Hi Daddy. I missed you so much." Tears started streaming down her face, she just couldn't hold it in anymore. Mac pulled Mattie close and started wiping away her tears.

The respiratory therapist came in and took a quick pulse ox and pulled the tube from his throat. She smiled at him. "Don't try to talk. You have had a tube down your throat for the past eight hours helping you breathe. We will start breathing treatments soon. Is this your wife?"

Harm shook his head, "Partner." He whispered. Mac looked at him with confusion, but didn't say anything. Mattie stood next to Sergei, and he pulled his niece close.

"Mac, how long have I been out? I must have been too late to stop your wedding! When did you have child with Brumby?" He asked whispering the question.

"Harm, what is the last thing you remember?"

"Punching out over the Atlantic. What year is it?"

Mac ran out the hall, "Doctor!"

"Yes Colonel?"

"Harm thinks it is 2001. He doesn't remember any of his children."

Mattie walked out into the hall and took Mackenzie from Mac. "Mom, I am going to go with Jen and Uncle Sergei to the mall. I need to finish up some Christmas shopping."

"Mattie, are you okay?"

"Besides the fact that Dad has no clue who I am or how much he means to me, that he doesn't remember my existence, adopting me, or anything else for that matter, fine! And who is Brumby?"

Mac looked at Mattie and realized that there wasn't a lot that Mattie knew about their past life, "Brumby is my ex-fiancé, and Mattie, I am sure that your father just needs a little time to get through everything." Mac pulled out her wallet, and handed a couple of bills to Mattie. "Don't go crazy. You can leave Mackenzie here with me if you want."

"No. I want her to go get her picture taken with Santa. It can be one good memory that we have from this holiday season." Mattie said bitterly walking down to Jen and Sergei who were down at the elevator waiting for them. "Tell Dad I love him anyway."

Mac sighed. "I will Matts. Love you Kiddo." Mac walked into Harm's room where Trish and Frank were standing over Harm. Mac walked up and passed an ice chip over his lips. "Does that feel better Harm?"

"Yeah, thanks Mac." He said; his voice still in a whisper. "What is your baby's name?"

"The little one is Mackenzie Nicole, my teenager is Mathilda Grace. Mattie was adopted a couple of months ago."

"She's a good kid. She flies doesn't she?" Harm asked.

"What do you remember?"

"I've taken her up in Sarah. . ." He heard Mattie squeal with delight. 'Higher Dad!' "Oh God . . . she's my daughter."

Mac smiled. "She went to the mall."

"How could I forget my own children?"

"What do you remember?"

"Her calling me dad . . . Mackie . . . the baby . . . Mac, it is all disjointed memories, scrambled. Nothing makes sense. What year is it?"

"2004."

"Colonel, we need to take the commander down for some testing." A nurse said walking in.

"Okay."

"Mac come with."

"I wouldn't dream of leaving you now Flyboy." She leaned over and kissed him. He saw the glint of her diamond on her finger, the memory of him proposing to her flooded back.

"I proposed to you on the fourth of July." He said, making it sound more like a question than a statement.

"Yeah."

"Took me long enough," he mused out loud.

"Sure did Commander." AJ Chegwidden said walking up with Admiral Jonas.

Admiral Jonas pulled Mac aside. "Is it true about his memory?"

"Yes sir. It seems to be coming back though in pieces."

"It needs to come back sooner. It seems that we don't have enough evidence right now to charge Umawi, all circumstantial."

"Shit." Mac whispered, looking over at Harm who was beginning to slowly drift asleep again.

She heard him cry out her name and she walked over to him, holding his hand as they made their way down for the scans they needed to take.

* * *

_AN: Sorry guys, it may be a while for another update, I am trying to finish Sarah's Letters and All in the Family too, there is a wedding this week, job interviews next week, and I start an internship Monday. I will update hopefully by Monday. Lets see, what do you need to know:_

_Moonlight: Harm will get better - - I do explain everything that happened to Harm, it is on the drawing board,but it is there, and I promise, it isn't pretty (then again, when is getting captured in war pretty?)_

_DD2: Of course alive and fighting! More fight to come, and perhaps a wedding._

_Cherise: I was thinking maybe Balin (according to one of the baby name sites: Balin mean knight of the round table) I thought fitting for a military family. So you get a cookie for being right! I'll bake instead of write another chapter now!_

_Starryeyes: Always a faithful reviewer, thanks for reading._

_HMMC4EVR: Fluff next chapter. (I guess now I have to write what the fluff!)_

_Snugglebug: Thanks for reading - - I will try hodepodging a little more the next chapter._

_Everyone else: Thanks again! Keep reading if you want, I appreciate all the reviews._


	14. Chapter Fourteen

_**Chapter Fourteen:**_

_1130 EST  
A Mall in MD_

Mattie walked around the mall looking really preoccupied. She had run into AJ Chegwidden and he had explained that she shouldn't broadcast her father's return from the dead, that he could still be a target. That didn't make her feel any better.

Sergei and Jen stood behind her. "I am worried about her Jen."

"Who wouldn't be, the poor girl has gone through so much. I don't even know how I would handle everything."

"She looks like she is limping."

"Sergei, you are imagining things, besides, she hasn't relinquished her hold on Mackenzie yet. Having a baby on your hip is going to make you walk a little funny."

"If you say so." He said linking his hand in hers.

They had tried to tell Mattie that she didn't have to carry Mackenzie around the mall on her own, but Mattie insisted on pulling big sister duty, carrying her little sister close to her. They had put all their packages into Mackenzie's stroller anyway.

Without looking Mattie walked right into Max, literally. "I am so sorry," she said not realizing who he was.

"Mattie!"

"Max!" Mattie exclaimed right back. "I am so sorry, I am so preoccupied right now."

Jen had taken control of a babbling Mackenzie and smiled at the two teenagers. "How about you too catch up, and we will meet you by Santa?"

"Thanks Jen. Don't spoil her too much Uncle Sergei."

"Me never!" He said giving the perfect Rabb smile. "We will meet in one hour." He said taking Mackenzie from Jen.

Mattie kissed Mackenzie and watched her family walk away. Max turned to her. "You were supposed to be in California with your Grams."

"I decided that I wanted to spend Christmas in my own house with my mom for the holidays. It makes me feel closer to my dad." She said with a hint of sadness.

"What did you get him for Christmas?"

"I had made him a scrapbook for Christmas. That way if he couldn't make it home, he could open up memories of us for Christmas on the Pat."

"What are you going to do with it now?" Max asked reaching for her hand.

"I am keeping it around for Mackenzie. She deserves to see a point in life where Dad adored the ground she crawled on." Mattie got an idea, and put it on the backburner.

"I didn't mean to bring up your dad."

"It's okay Max. I like talking about Dad, it brings me hope that Dad will eventually come back."

"Mattie, he was declared dead."

"I know Max, but it seems unfair. I got less than a year with him. God is cruel."

Max hugged Mattie, and she sighed. She wished that she could tell me the truth about Harm, but knew with all the people around her that it wouldn't be safe for him to hear it. She walked into a plaque making store.

"What are you looking for?"

"I guess I will know it when I see it." Mattie scanned the displays, and then she saw it, silver plated dog tags. She picked them up and scribbled the inscription she wanted engraved on it, My Father, My Hero. Max just looked at her curiously. "Something to put on Dad's grave. I got my real mother a glass bird. She said that when she died, she wanted to come back as a bird, one that could fly over me and keep an eye on me."

"Are you still flying? I know Commander Rabb was teaching you how to fly."

"Not right now." She looked at Max and smiled. "Don't tell anyone, but when Grams and Gramps took Mackenzie on a day trip, I went and got a tattoo of a Tomcat and a bird on my ankle. One for Dad and one for Mom."

"Can I see it?"

"Sure."

Mattie looked around and didn't see Jen and Sergei coming up behind her. She pulled up her pants leg and hiked down her sock, and their on her left ankle was a three inch by three inch tattoo of a small Tomcat and bird. Hammer was written right below the picture.

"Mathilda Grace Rabb!" Jen exclaimed.

"Don't tell anyone."

"Honey, I have too, it looks infected. Where did you get it done anyway?"

"Out in California. I made a fake ID, and went walking up one of the little strip malls."

Sergei leaned down and got a closer look at the tattoo. "Well, Mattie, it looks like we are taking you back to Bethesda to get an infection looked at. But first, lets get your picture taken with Santa with your little sister."

Mattie sighed. She knew she was going to get in trouble for that one. "Don't worry Mattie, I will come and visit you as soon as the Colonel lets you out of your room." Max told her. He hugged her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I have to find my mom and dad now." He walked away, and Mattie and Mackenzie got their picture taken with Santa.

_1200 EST_

_Bethesda Naval Hospital_

_Coming back from testing_

Mac listened as the doctor began to explain what Harm could expect with the retrograde amnesia.

"We feel that as the swelling goes down, more of your memories will resurface. Your brain is puzzling though, you are remembering your children, which I understand is a recent development, but can't remember much in between 2001 and 2003?"

Harm looked at Mac, "I remember bits and pieces, not whole memories."

Harm looked over into the emergency room as they were coming back from the CAT scan, and saw Mattie sitting on a gurney. "Doctor, can you find out what is wrong with my daughter for me, and then have her meet me in the room?" Harm requested.

"Sure. I will examine her in your room." The doctor walked over and talked to Mattie who looked pretty fearful. She hopped off the gurney and walked behind the gurney.

"How are you doing Commander?" Mattie asked, not realizing that her father had remembered at least her.

"Commander? I know you are my daughter," He said, his voice still low.

"Hi Dad."

They made their way back to his room where Jen, Sergei, and Mackenzie where waiting for him. "Sir, Sergei and I are heading back to the house."

"I got rid of my loft?"

Mattie mumbled something, and then reached into a bag she had grabbed from the house. She hobbled over to him. "Here, open up your Christmas gift from me." Harm took the gift and put it on the nightstand.

"Later Matts."

"Matts, what's wrong with your leg?" Mac asked.

The doctor came in and had her sit on a chair. He lifted her leg and pulled down the sock. "Looks like an infected tattoo." He took her temperature and found she was running a low grade fever. "I'll get you started on some antibiotics." He smiled at Mac, "You must have your hands full."

Mac rolled her eyes, and eyed Mattie. "What made you think it was okay to get a tattoo? How did you manage to get one, you are sixteen!"

"I made a fake ID and then when Grams and Gramps took Mackenzie on a day trip, I went and had it done. I'm sorry."

"What is it of?" Mac asked.

"It is three small tattoos. A Tomcat, a bird, and Hammer." Mattie explained softly. "The bird for my real mom, and the Tomcat and Hammer for Dad."

"Mattie, you didn't have to mark your body up for me." Harm explained. Mattie came closer to him.

"I just missed you so much!" Mattie sighed, "Will you please open the gift?"

"Sure thing baby. Come sit with me." Harm scooted over on his bed and Mattie got in with him. She helped him open his gift since one hand had IVs hooked up to IVs to combat the infection that was still raging inside of him.

"I made you a scrapbook. I figured if you couldn't make it home for Christmas, we would make it to you somehow. And now, it can help you with your amnesia."

"Thanks Baby." Harm's voice was becoming stronger, but the pneumonia he was battling was taking a toll on his body. "We will figure out what to do about the tattoo later. I need to take a nap."

Mattie kissed her dad on the cheek. "I love you so much Dad."

"I love you too honey. I will see you around dinner time okay? Make sure you and Mac get some sleep too."

"Okay Dad."

Mac leaned down and gave him a kiss. She promised him that she would be back in time to eat dinner with him.

_AN - More to come, hopefully soon. You guys know the drill, read and review please! Let me know what you want our favorite couple's Christmas to be like._


	15. Chapter Fifteen

_**Chapter Fifteen**:_

_1700 EST  
Bethesda Naval Hospital  
__Harm's Hospital Room_

Mac walked into his hospital room to find the guard gone, and Harm missing. She walked over to the nurses' station. "Where is my husband?" The guard came walking up. "Corporal, where this patient?"

"Ma'am, sorry, I went to the restroom and got knocked out." He said rubbing his head. "Someone came up behind me." They did a cursory search of his room and the hospital, and Harm was nowhere to be found.

Mac, started getting panicked. She put her hand on her stomach. "Where is your Daddy?" Mac turned to Sergei, "I have to go get air, I am heading to the roof."

"Be careful Mac."

Mac made her way up the stairs. She had finally gotten to the point in her pregnancy where she felt that she could comfortably make her way around walking, besides, she needed to do a little bit of exercising.

She bundled her coat around her. The chill of December was in the air, and she knew that it would start snowing. She would have to take Mackenzie out once she bought her the snow gear. She opened the door and saw Harm standing in the snow.

"I spent part of Christmas in 2001 in Belleville. The snow was beautiful. I always feel closer to Dad up on Gram's farm." He said. "I miss Dad so much right now, and yet somehow, I feel closer to him."

"You feel closer to him because you both have similar experiences."

Harm looked at her. "Yeah." Mac didn't say anything as she let her fiancé reach far back into his mind. His eyes fell on her. "It was the Christmas that I met Jen. She dressed up as Santa - - we ended up kissing - - our second kiss."

Mac looked up in the sky as she felt the first snow fall. "Flyboy, come on, I have to get you inside now."

"I want to be inside you," He said mischievously, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well, that is how the baby got inside me," She fired back at him.

"Baby?"

"Yes, a baby."

"I'm going to be a father for the third time!" He screeched. He wanted to pick her up and swing her around , but being as ill as he was, he was unable to do it because of his illness.

She smiled and gave him a kiss. "By this time next year we will have added another baby to the mix." She held back on the fact that Brennen would be living with them. She didn't want to hash out whatever memory of what happened to Emily, she wanted him to have a good Christmas.

"I have to get you inside. You are carrying my child, and you might get sick!" Harm scolded her. Mac laughed, there was a vestige of her Harm left inside of him, swiss cheese memory or not.

She got him inside and got him down the elevator. "You know Harm, next time you want to leave, you don't have to knock out your guard. Let him walk you around, that is after all his job."

Harm looked at her, his blue eyes gazing at her with intensity, "I didn't knock out the guard Mac."

_**TBC**_

_**AN-Okay guys, short I know, but I typed up this chapter pretty late last night. Please read and review as always, and I will try to update soon. It seemed like a good place to end the chapter, hopefully more by the end of the week.**_


	16. Chapter Sixteen

_**Chapter Sixteen**_

"Oh, God Mac, get out of here." He told her. "Take the kids to Gram's."

"No. I am not going to leave you right now."

"You have to for our children. Someone is after me, and I am not going to let my kids watch me die!"

"You aren't going to die, we are going to catch them, I swear!"

"I will not put you, Mackie, and Mattie at risk. You have a baby growing inside of you right now that we have to think about!" He exclaimed, inhaling a breath and then coughing violently. He took a seat in the stairwell, leaning the crutches he was using against the wall.

"Harm, we are partners. It is my job to protect you, swiss cheese memory and all, you should know that we have always looked out for each other, through landmines, Paraguay. You were there for me when I got back from Iraq. Let me be there for you now."

Harm put his head in his hands. "I couldn't save you then, but let me save you now. I won't leave my kids orphaned." He said in a low whisper.

"Then maybe there is something we can do." Mac said.

Mac escorted Harm back into his room and got him settled. She called Admiral Jonas, and he and Mac cooked up a plan to get Harm to safety.

_Harm and Mac's House  
__1395 Kalmia Drive  
__2000 EST_

Mattie was watching television when she heard a knock on the door. Putting Mackenzie in her playpen, she went to see who it was.

"Max!" She exclaimed throwing herself into his arms.

"Hiya. I was hoping you would be home. How did the doctor's visit go?"

She ushered him inside and she threw a couple of toys on Mackenzie play mat. Mackenzie looked up, "MAD!" Mad had become Mackenzie's name for Max and Mattie seeing that their names were really close together. Max reached down and scooped up the small girl.

"She really is precious."

"She is a goofball." Mattie answered back. They put Mackenzie back in the play area and made their way towards the couch.

"Can I see your ankle?" Max asked.

"Sure."

Max slowly hiked down Mattie's sock, as if not to rub on the sore spot, and he traced the tattoo with his finger. "Does it still hurt?"

"A little." Mattie admitted.

He leaned down and kissed right above her infection. "A kiss to make it better," he explained.

Mattie looked at him and Max locked eyes with her. "I really missed you when I was out in California."

"I missed you too Babydoll." They moved dangerously close to each other on the couch. Mattie found the remote dimmer switch for the lights and hit the CD player on. Teenagers in love.

Mac maneuvered the Pacifica into the driveway. Harm was looking pale from the infection, and she knew that they would have to get him started on antibiotics soon again. Sergei was helping Harm inside. Harm looked at his house, and whispered, "Well, I must be living good now."

"Flyboy, you needed the bigger house with the children. I mean, Mattie was living down the hall from you, Mackenzie was sleeping in a playpen."

"Mattie was living with Jen." He said, taking his first steps into the house. He looked around, all the memories came flooding back up to getting orders for the Patrick Henry.

The living room was dim, and light music was playing in the background. Harm walked in and saw his daughter and her boyfriend kissing on the couch.

"Hands where I can see them!" Harm screeched turning on the lights. Mackenzie woke up with a start and started crying.

"Mama!" She said reaching up for her mom. Mac walked over to the playpen and picked up her daughter.

"Mackenzie Nicole Rabb, you are making such a fuss."

"Mathilda Grace Rabb, if this your idea of babysitting, then we need to have a talk. Max, unless you want to have one of those," he gestured over to Mackenzie, "then you better think long and hard about kissing my daughter." Harm told them struggling to catch his breath. Mattie ran over to him and gave him a hug.

"Dad, you are here!" She screeched.

Max walked over and went to help Harm to the couch with Sergei. "Sir, you are alive!"

"Don't change the topic you two." Harm said.

Trish and Frank came out of the guest room to see what was going on. Trish smiled remembering the first time she caught Harm kissing Wendy Albermarle on the deck in La Jolla.

"Harm!" Trish exclaimed, "What are you doing out of the hospital?"

"Long story." He muttered.

"How is your memory?" Frank asked.

"I remember most of everything, and all of the important things."

Mac stared at him, "Are you sure?"

"I remember everything, except crashing, getting captured, and tortured."

Mac hugged him. There was a knock on the door, and Sergei answered it, finding AJ, Admiral Jonas, Clayton Webb, and Dr. Lily McCulum (the CIA doctor) on the other side with a ton of equipment in hand.

Harm looked at Max, "You can't breathe a word about me being alive Max, there are people after me still."

"Mattie, take Mackenzie upstairs, she needs to be changed." Mac told her, not wanting Mattie to see the full extent of Harm's injuries. Mattie was getting ready to protest, and Mac piped up again, "Did you take your antibiotics for your work of art?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Your father and I will think of a suitable punishment later."

Harm looked up, "Doctor, can you take a quick look at my daughter's ankle?"

"Sure." She said. Mac had Mattie sit, and the doctor took a look. "Well, the infection is healing, the tattoo won't have to be removed. Where did you get this done?"

"California." She said proudly. "It didn't hurt." Trish and Frank looked at each other, and apologized for not knowing about Mattie's antics.

Clay, AJ, and Admiral Jonas had smiles on their faces, Mattie was turning more and more into Harm and Mac's child with her crazy antics. Mattie claimed Mackenzie from her mom.

Dr. McCulum looked at Harm, and had him strip off his shirt. She inspected the wounds on his back. "Sorry Harm, I am going to have to sew up one of the cuts that have popped open. Do you want morphine for the pain?"

"No, I need to think clear so I can remember who did this to me."

"I don't have any lydacane."

"Just do it." He said.

Max stood off to the side and watched as Harm gritted his teeth and the doctor re-stitched the torn open wound. He helped them get Harm settled upstairs in their room, and then quietly excused himself to go home.

"What is the plan Clay?" Admiral Jonas asked.

"Harm is going to die in the hospital tonight. As we speak, a body double is taking his place. He is going to go into a drug induced coma, and we will make him look like he died of a ranging infection. It will buy time, but unless we can catch the person trying to kill him, or still torture him, then the whole family will be at risk." Clay said softly.

Harm looked up, getting sleepy. "What are the defenses for the house?"

"We have the house underneath surveillance." Clay answered. "We have motion sensors set up through out the property, and on Monday, we will figure out how to draw the terrorist cell."

"Thanks for everything Clay."

"Hey, you guys saved my six plenty of times, now it is my turn to return the favor."

Admiral Jonas looked up. "I have six Marines waiting. They are going to be taking different shifts to survey your property and to be here for protection. You guys get some rest, and have a good holiday."

Harm whispered something to Mac, and she smiled. "Harm would like to have the JAG crew over tomorrow for a Christmas Eve celebration. A small one, just whoever is here now and the Roberts family. That includes you too Clay. We want Christmas to be as normal as possible for the children. Will Harm be okay for a small dinner get together?"

The doctor nodded. "He will still need the antibiotics for the infection. I will come by early tomorrow for his breathing treatment, it should be the last. Just don't stay on your feet too much. You need to get out of bed every so often, but don't overdo it. Also, who around here can add medication to your IV drip if I leave it?"

"Sergei can." Mac said. "He just finished his EMT training, and is finishing his prereqs for medical school."

The doctor smiled. "Good to know we have all our bases covered." She gave Sergei a list of things to look for with Harm, and reminded them that she would be back. She gave them her beeper number and left. Mac thanked everyone for their help, and for the first time in six weeks, she was able to sleep in the same bed as her husband again.

_Unknown place  
__Unknown location_

"Boss, we just got word that Rabb died in the hospital of an infection." A voice told their superior over the telephone.

"Good. I thought our men killed him before dumping him."

"It was an unfortunate mistake on their part." He answered back.

"Enjoy the holiday, as you American's do, but be ready in a couple of days for the plan to be executed."

"Sure thing boss."

* * *

_**AN – Okay guys, I know that Harm wouldn't agree to this plan, but this is the only way I could think of to get the family together in their own house for Christmas. Something will happen later, where Harm goes off on his own - - but until then, just know that I have the family safely guarded.**_

_Alix33: Per your orders, Harm most of his memories back! All he has to do is remember who the bad people are, and then we can get more mushy chapters._

_BelovedOne: Thanks for reading the story!_

_WendyKaye: I am trying to do a once a week thing now that I have to work._

_Snugglebug: Of course there are bad guys out there - - their life is never easy._

_Starryeyes: Thanks_

_DD2: Someone of course is after Harm, when is life ever that easy._

_CharmedAli: I am a cliffhanger kinda girl._

_To everyone else, thanks for reading and reviewing, the more I get the more I will write, I have great Memorial Day - - I will be working - - sigh._


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**_Chapter Seventeen_**:

_Christmas Eve_

_Harm and Mac's House_

_0900 EST_

Mac looked over at her fiancée and breathed a sigh of relief. He was there, in her bed . . . she vowed to herself that she would never take those moments for granted again. Watching the sun spill across his face, she reached over him and took his temperature. It was 101.2. It was an improvement from the night before, and she smiled, knowing that his fever was coming down.

She heard him call her name in the middle of the night several times, knowing that he was in the middle of a nightmare, and she tried to wake him, but couldn't. She knew what the nightmares would do to a person, and they would have to figure out a way around it.

Looking at the baby monitor, she heard Mackenzie stirring, and knowing that her daughter would soon be up demanding her full attention. Getting up she quietly slipped on her bedroom slippers and leaving the baby monitor in her room, she claimed her daughter.

"Hi there munchkin!" Reaching into the crib she pulled Mackenzie out.

She didn't wail, she just had a couple of tears running down her eyes for some reason. "Oh, baby . . . did you have a bad dream?" Mac asked smoothing out her curls. She figured that she must have inherited the genes from her. Mattie came into the nursery rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Mom?"

"Yes darling?"

"Is it okay if Max comes over tonight to exchange Christmas gifts?"

"Yeah, just make sure that it is okay with his mom."

"Did you and Dad come up with a suitable punishment for me because of the tattoo?" Mattie asked timidly.

"After discussing it with your father, we have decided that you are going to volunteer every Sunday starting in 2005 at the hospital. I already set it up with director there."

"Fair enough." She was thankful that it wasn't being grounded. Plus it was two-fold in Mac's eyes. Mac felt that Mattie needed to be exposed to different things, and maybe, just maybe she would decide to go into a field that was less taxing on her family.

Mackenzie snuggled into her mother's breast, and sighed contently. Mac made her way down the stairs with her girls and handed Mackenzie off to Trish who was waiting with wide open arms for her granddaughter. She blew a raspberry on her tummy and watched Mackenzie squeal with delight.

"How did Harm sleep last night?" Franks asked.

"He had a couple of nightmares, his fever broke though." Mac said breathing a sigh of relief.

Sergei came trotting down the stairs and scooped up Mackenzie out of Trish's arms. "It's the baby!" He screeched, throwing his niece in the air and deftly catching her. "Mac, I need to ask you something."

"Sure Sergei." Mac said sipping her coffee, listening to Harm's breathing through the baby monitor.

"Can Jennifer stay tonight for the holidays . . . I don't want her to be alone on Christmas Eve and Christmas day."

"We can put her on the foldout couch in the office." Mac said. She knew that Sergei and Jen were intimate, and she knew that they would maintain the appearance of propriety, especially with a 16 year old in the house. Jen would probably sneak to the downstairs office around six in the morning so she could be with him.

He smiled. "Thanks Mac, she we will really appreciate it."

Mac turned her attention once more to the baby that squirmed in her Uncle's arms. "Dada!" Mackenzie squealed pointing to a picture of Harm in the kitchen.

Frank smiled, "She is just so smart."

"She gets that from me!" Mac exclaimed. "But those eyes, those eyes are all Harm's."

She heard a crash from upstairs and she immediately took off running to the sounds of Harm's screams. Mac reached the top of the stairs in record time, demanding the Mattie stayed downstairs. She ran to his side and ran a soothing hand through his sweat soaked hair.

"Come back to me Harm." She whispered slowly into his ears.

His blue eyes shot open, and screamed. "No!" He looked into her brown eyes, and felt immediately at peace. "I love you so much."

"I love you too sweetheart."

Sergei came up and knocked softly. "I need to change the medication in your IV. Do you want to come downstairs and watch us finish decorating the house?"

"I would love to get back to my life." He sighed, pushing the last horrors of his nightmare away.

"Well good, because your teenager is chomping at the bit to put up decorations."

"You didn't decorate?"

"We put up a tree, but we were going to spend Christmas in California." Mac sighed.

"I ruined your Christmas plans." He said softy.

"No you didn't Dad. You are the best Christmas gift a girl could get." Mattie said holding her sister in her arms. Mattie watched as Sergei lifted Harm out of bed and support him on his bad side.

"Let's get Christmas started." Harm said, hoping that he could keep his family safe from all the horrors he had to endure.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Chapter Eighteen:**_

_1100 EST_

_1395 Kalmia Drive_

_Christmas Eve_

Harm sat on the couch watching Mackenzie gaze intently at the Christmas tree, pointing at the lights, Mattie was putting up the mistletoe, and Harm had warned the two teenagers that under no uncertain circumstances where they to stand underneath it all night.

Mac came and sat on the arm of the chair. "What are you thinking about Flyboy?"

"I can't believe that I lost my memories of my children. Look at them, smiling, happy." He sighed. "I wouldn't have seen any of it."

"Don't think like that darling." His mother said putting a hand on his forehead, mothering him. "Your father made sure that you wouldn't miss out on your children's lives like he had to miss out on yours. That is why you came out of your coma so quickly, and back to us, on this holiday." Harm smiled at his mother. She continued. "I lost my husband, but at least I got my son back. It is the best present I have ever gotten."

"I have to agree with you on that one Grams." Mattie said smiling. She gave Max a hug. Max had came over early to help decorate, and of course to spend some time with Mattie. He smiled.

Harm went to get up when he heard four voices yelling for him to sit down. "Guys, I have been sitting around forever, and have been lying down forever. I have to get up, I have to feel free, don't worry."

Mac helped him up, looking at everyone sending them a signal that she could help him get through the nightmares that had been plaguing his mind. She looped her arm around his waist and led him to the sunroom.

"Okay, is that better to be in the sun, near the windows?"

"Yeah." He sighed.

"You nightmares were pretty bad last night darling."

"I'm sorry if I woke you up. You need the sleep for the baby."

"Hey, it's not like I hadn't woken you up with a nightmare. Do you want to talk about it?"

Harm sighed and shook his head no. He made his way over to the wicker couch and propped himself up against it. He stared out into snow, and saw the horses in the riding ring. Sergei must have let the horses out.

"I killed Emily." He sighed. "I remembered that last night. I tried to get to her, Mac, I swear, when I saw her get killed, I thought it was you. At that moment, I felt like my life had ended, because of the love of my life was gone. Then, when I realized it was Emily, I grieved, but was elated it wasn't you."

"You didn't kill Emily." She reasoned with him.

"I couldn't get to her in time, I swear to you, I tried. I wanted you to have the family that you should have always had. Emily and Brennen were the two people in your family you could count on."

"Emily will always live on through Brennen, and we will see her grow in him. Harm, I didn't know how to tell you, but we have a ward coming to live with us January 2."

Harm took a deep breath. "She never wanted him to be raised by her parents. I'm glad I can do this for her." He said with a faint smile, but the smile quickly faded.

"Harm, what can you remember from your experience?"

"Not much. It was a dark hole, they would alternate between keeping me in a cell type area, sometimes throwing me into a hole. I lost track of time."

"Its okay baby. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you."

"I was glad you weren't there for me. I know that both of us have been tortured before, me mentally, you, a little bit of both. But this was beyond any experience. God Mac, they would put their cigarettes out on my back."

Mac ran her hand over Harm's back, and then ran her fingers through his hair. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Your touch helps heal the scars." He told her. His eyes conveyed the sadness of the world seemed to be begging for her to reach out to him. "Mac, I need you." Mac melted into him.

"Let's not talk about darkness right now. I'm here, and together, nothing can hurt. Let me be your lighthouse, guiding you home. My words will calm you, help you find peace, just like you were there for me in my darkest hour. We will get through this. Let me stand beside you and help you through it."

"I love you."

"That's all I ask in return. That is what partners do forever. I love you too."

Mac helped him settle on the couch in the sunroom, and she draped a blanket over him. She held him until he fell asleep. Mattie sat a couple of feet away, sighing.

"Those are my parents, forever romantic, even in some of their darkest moments." She whispered to her grandparents and Max.

Frank smiled, "This family is strong and will lead each other back into the light."

"We have been through dark times before, with his father going missing today," Trish said.

Sergei looked at them, "Then why don't we add some light to help make it through the dark times?" He pointed to the lights that had accumulated in the boxes. They had put up lights on the tree and the banister out side.

Trish smiled. "Lets turn this house into a winter wonderland with lots of lights."

_1400 EST_

_1395 Kalmia Drive_

_Harm and Mac' House_

Mac woke up with a familiar arm around her. She had fallen asleep on the couch in the sunroom with Harm. They had fallen asleep together. Sergei had woken her up while changing Harm's IV bag again.

"Mac, the doctor will be coming in an hour to check on him."

"Thanks Sergei." Mac untangled herself from Harm's embrace. She tucked him back in. "I think this is the most peaceful I have seen him sleep."

"I think it is the most peaceful I have ever seen you sleep."

"That is what you two deserve, peace Ma'am." Mac spun around and saw Jen standing there with a cup of herbal tea. "Mattie has been working really hard to surprise you and Harm. Let's just say, it was a stroke of genius on your soon to be mother-in-law."

"I am sure Harm will love it." Mac said, looking around at the house. Mattie had transformed it into an Elysian dream.

TBC


	19. Chapter Nineteen

_**Chapter Nineteen:**_

_Christmas Eve_

_Harm and Mac's house_

Mattie watched intently as the doctor applied antibiotic ointment to her father's wounds and watched her change the bandages. "Your mother tells me that you should have your ankle looked at." The doctor stated.

"They're over-reacting. It's a little infection." Mattie said. "Besides, my father needs it more than I do."

"Mathilda Grace, do as the doctor says," Harm told her from his seat in the sunroom. Harm looked out into the virgin snow. The forecaster had predicted more snow to come during the night. "I don't want you being sick." He said in between his breathing treatment. The doctor was concerned about his lungs still and was having him breathe in steroids to help his breathing status. She had wanted him to go back into the hospital, but understood that he needed disappear for his own safety.

"Harm, your back is healing nicely. Now breathe in the steroids. You aren't taking deep enough breaths."

"I can't take any deeper breaths. It's too hard!" He coughed and then grabbed his ribs. "God that hurts."

Mattie hid her head into her boyfriend's shoulder. It pained her to see her hero, her almost larger than life father have problems breathing. Max rubbed her back, scooped up Mackenzie and took them into the living room. He reasoned that Harm wouldn't want his children to see him hurting like he was. Harm smiled gratefully at him.

Mac walked in a couple minutes later. "If I could take away your pain I would."

"I guess I will be saying that to you soon. How many months are you along now?"

"We are almost two months along now. It must have happened when I was sent out to the Pat for the investigation around your birthday. I was going to name our son after you." She whispered to him.

"I don't think we should."

"I think we should discuss names at a different time though Harm. We have so many things we have to deal with right now, and the first thing on the priority list is getting you better."

"After everything has blown over, we are overdue for that vacation we won doing the tango." He said, as the doctor handed him another round of medication to breathe in.

The doctor smiled at him, "Now, you have to get better before you can do anymore dancing, and your lovely fiancée may not be up to going on a cruise while pregnant."

"I'll take her on the cruise to get her pregnant again," Harm said chuckling, taking the inhaler, and beginning to inhale the medication. He started to couch wildly.

"That's what you get. Do you understand how hard this pregnancy has been? I was constantly sick, and I thought that I would have to raise our children without you." Tears started rolling down Mac's face. "And I hate myself now because it is nothing compared to what you have gone through! I should have been there, I shouldn't have let everyone tell me that you were dead! I would have know, I would have felt it, I would have felt empty." She whispered.

"If you were there, you would have been my main priority, I would have given them everything they wanted, just as long as I could have kept you safe." He sighed. "The only thing that kept me going was my love for you and our children, and the promise I made to Em as the plane was going down."

"What promise did you make her?"

"The same promise that you made her when you were kids, if anything happened to her we would raise Brennen, and I would raise him like our own. It was like she knew something was going to happen on the last trip. It's my reason that she's dead, I couldn't save her from Corporal Taylor." He said bitterly.

"Harm do you remember who did this to you?" Mac asked him.

"Corporal Taylor, he was a marine I did a HALO insertion with. We left his body when he was shot on insertion, but when we went back for it he was gone. I drug his body to cover and hid him." He said, the memories still coming back. "It is hard to forget the man who beat you everyday for almost three weeks." He inhaled more of the drugs and started coughing violently.

Mac rubbed his back. "Have you seen what your daughter and her boyfriend did for you?" She said, changing the topic.

"No, I haven't left the sunroom, it feels nice and warm in here."

The doctor placed a hand on his forehead and whipped on the thermometer, 102. "Harm, you are burning up again. The pneumonia is certainly taking a toll on your body. I need to run back and get stronger antibiotics."

Mac winced. "He will get better though right?"

"We have to keep monitoring, he isn't out of the woods yet." Liz claimed to Mac. "He has to take it easy, no romping around in the snow with the kids just yet. But he could definitely stand to look around the house." Liz smiled, helping Harm up. "I will be back soon."

"Thanks Liz."

Harm held most of his weight on the ever constant IV pole, and Mac slid her arm around his waist and pulled him close. "Mattie, he is coming." She called out in front of her.

Mattie dimmed the harsh overhead lights and plugged in the white lights that were wrapped in green garland. She turned on the Manheim Steamrollers Christmas CD and turned toward her parents.

"Do you like it?"

"Oh Baby, it will be perfect for the party tonight."

"Are we still throwing that?" Mac asked. "You aren't feeling great."

"Well everyone is set to come over, and I will feel a ton better having all my friends around. I won't over do it, I promise."

"Promises promises."

"I always make good on my promises. We have two children of our own and two adopted children, and I came home to you."

"Just keep on keeping your promises."

"I plan on it." Harm said staring at one of the family pictures that was reflecting the light of the white lights that were now flooding the house. He was going to make sure that his family was going to remain safe once and for all.

* * *

AN-Sorry for the long wait in between chapters everyone, I will try to be step up the postings, but not until after July 4th, I am going out of town yet again. Thanks for the reviews everyone. I will be writing about Christmas of course, um, we will find out what has happened to Harm being over there, the birth of the baby, vacations, a wedding - but you guys have to tell me what you want!

D - RL keeps interfering, but I will try to step up the postings.

Snugglebug - Thanks - I try to write sweet things - the next couple of chapters are really sweet.

Charmed Ali - Thanks

Aserene - I am trying to keep it happy for at least a couple of more chapters.

To everyone else - Thanks, I love the reviews, makes my day feel great! Read and review as always, the more reviews, the more I write (I know that it kinda sucks, but if I don't know people read, then I don't know if I should write)


	20. Chapter Twenty

_**Chapter Twenty:**_

Harm watched as his family rushed around the house putting on the final touches for the holiday party, it was one that they had talked about throwing, but when Harm got captured, it went to the wayside. Now the family was trying to get some semblance of their life back.

Harm watched the white lights dance across the living room. This lights were shiny and happy, which no way mirrored his mood. He knew that what he would do, and it would no doubt kill them, but he would have to keep his family safe once and for all.

Mac came down the stairs carrying Mackenzie, she was playing with her mother's necklace, and Mattie came in tow with Max holding her hand. Harm had heard about the two getting together. He had hoped that the two would realize that they were perfect for each other. Of course, no father, especially Harm wanted his daughter to date, but if he had to pick someone, it would have been Max. He would have to get the full story from Mac though, and it was something that he wanted to have been there for, he sighed.

"Why the long face?" Mac said, coming down sitting next to him.

"I realized that I missed months of my daughters' lives. Mackenzie is growing so tall, Mattie already had her first date, and I missed all of it."

"We have video of her first date, it was in a carepackage that got sent back unopened. I can bring it up for you if you would like. AJ Chegwidden, Bud, Sergei, and Clay were all here for the momentous occasion."

"Why all of them?"

Bud came walking in, "You would have done the same for us. If it was me, you would have been there for Nikki."

"I did it for Francesca, and I miss being a father sometime." AJ Chegwidden said walking in handing Mac a covered dish. "Mattie had it ten times worse, when Cesca started dating, Marcella made me behave, Mac told us to have at it, and do what you would do."

Sergei came into the kitchen to grab the salad bowl. "I almost felt bad for Max."

"Why?"

"Max came walking in to the house, the poor boy. Bud was reading the finer points of the law to him, AJ was cleaning out his pistol, Sergei was holding a shovel from baling the hay that day, and Clay, well Clay let him know that he could make it so Max didn't exist at all." Mac said putting the final touches on the cake. "And well, if I told him after I gave birth, I would take his ass to the cleaners."

"It was pretty sir." Max said. "I was so scared."

"He didn't even kiss me until two weeks later, and even then he was looking up at the sky wondering if Clay had a satellite on him."

Harm smiled. "Don't go kissing too much. I want you to stay my little girl forever."

Mattie put her head down on Harm's legs and he ran his good hand through her hair. "It's our anniversary of me coming to live with you. I was so scared we wouldn't make it a year. I missed you so much."

"Oh baby." The crew had slipped out of the room to let Mattie and Harm have a few moments alone together so they could marvel at the changes each other brought into their lives. Harm looked at his teenager's angelic face and knew it helped solidify his plan.

* * *

AN: Thanks to everyone for the reviews, and I am sorry that this chapter is so short. I was scared about finishing this story. RL is rough right now, and I am in a very dark mood, so there is a change in the style of writing. Still focusing on the family though - I will try to have at least one chapter a week. Annmarie, thank you so much for reminding me that people are reading this and would like to see more of it - I appreciate it. I had a lot of bad things happen in the past couple of weeks and - well - this story deserves more attentiong then I could give it. I will continue working on it, but RL - well - I promise there will be an end to the saga.

Keep reviewing, next chapter will be longer, more about Christmas, more about what happened to Harm, a trial - Iraq revisited. Vague - but those are the ideas in my head.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Chapter Twenty One**_

Harm watched as Mattie, Mackenzie and Max danced through Jingle Bell Rock. Mattie was holding Mackenzie and Max was jingling sleigh bells they had found in the barn. He laughed as he watched Mackenzie lung for the bells and captured them, shaking them – eliciting sounds of glee from the small child. He marveled at how his children forever changed his life. He watched as Mac glowed, making her way through each guest with a goblet of water in her hand. The eggnog didn't agree with her, and Harm watched in horror for the first time as Mac proceeded to throw up in front of him. He was more or less angry at himself for his physical limitations; he couldn't even stoop down to hold her hair back, something that he thought that he would always be able to do when the time was right for them to have their children.

"Dada!" The sound of Mackenzie voice rang clear through the room. What had disheartened Harm the most was that he wasn't able to play with Mackenzie the way he was able to before. To make matters worse, she had taken up to pointing to where the pictures of Harm were when she said Dada. It was like she didn't recognize him in person anymore.

She looked up at him and hoisted herself up, standing while holding on to the coffee table. She jingled the bells at him, or as well as she could holding on to the table and gave him a slobbery grin. "Dada!" She said in a more definitive voice pointing at him. This time Harm shook out of his self induced reverie and saw what she had done.

He inched himself over to where she was and gingerly picked her up with the arm that wasn't attached to the IV pole. "Mackie!" She smiled at him and giggled. It was like she had discovered him again. "How much does Daddy love you?"

She stretched her arms out wide and blew him a kiss. "Dada! Mama! Mad!"

Max and Mattie looked over to where they heard Mackenzie, and Mac looked over. Tears filled her eyes as she saw Mackenzie give her father a drool infested kiss on the cheek, and she heard him really laugh for the first time. She really missed his smile and his laugh. Mackenzie started squirming, her way of asking to crawl around on the floor, and Harm acquiesced to her request, putting a very well dressed Mackenzie on the floor in her Christmas dress to crawl away to her hearts content. His eyes followed her as she weaved her way through the crowd.

Mac sat down next to him. "Our daughter commands the room."

"That she does. I think our next one will be the same."

"Our oldest daughter is making her way towards the mistletoe." Harm grumbled.

"Do you have something against mistletoe?" Mac asked him.

"No, just my daughter standing underneath it." He sighed. Mac put her hand on his chest and felt his heart beating.

"Good, because I brought us some." Mac leaned in and kissed him. "There was once a time that I never thought that I would be able to do that again."

"The thought of being back with you was one of the things that kept me going while I was in prison there."

She wrapped him up as well as she could in her arms and held him close. "I love you."

Harm looked around his house and saw everyone he loved gathered around in one place. He squeezed his eyes shut and knew that there were going to be dark times ahead but could get through it with the help of his friends.

TBC

AN –Sorry it has been so long – and so short. I have had a rough couple of months – for this reason and a bunch of stuff I have to deal with, I honestly don't know when I am going to update again. Hopefully I will finish this story – the readers deserve that. I am going through a real dark time right now, and that may reflect in the writing.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Chapter Twenty Two:**_

Harm and Mac waved goodbye to Bud and Harriet towards the end of the Christmas party. Giving the twins a kiss goodbye Mac turned to Harm. "You seemed to have muddled through the day okay. What's going on Sailor Boy?"

Harm smiled at the term of endearment, he had longed to hear her tease him while he was imprisoned all those months. "It is just harder than what I thought. Reintegrating into society is harder than what I thought it would be, even if it is just my friends and family."

"Honey, it doesn't happen over night. It is going to take time. Lord knows, when I was imprisoned, it took me a little bit to get back into it."

"Mac, it just isn't the same."

"What makes you think that my imprisonment was better than yours!" She shot back at him. "I had to deal with so many things – almost being raped, listening to the riots!"

"Watching them kill Emily – trying to escape, thinking about losing your family, thinking about killing yourself that way you don't let vital information slip out! You didn't know you had a family to get back too!"

"I had to deal with it too! I didn't even get to tell you the chance I was pregnant. I was faced with having to raise our family by myself. You knew that I was going to come back, you knew that I was alive, you didn't have people telling you that I was dead and to move on!"

Mattie had heard enough from the top of the stairs. She had been waiting for them to blow up at each other. "Enough!" she screeched. Max held out his hand to try to stop her. "Who cares whose was worse! Who cares about what happened! The point is that both of you are back – safe and sound – with a family that has gone through hell and back for each other. Let's just be happy."

Trish came out of the back room. "It's Christmas Eve. What would Harm Sr. want for everyone?" She asked with tears coming down her eyes. She pulled out a rubbing. "Since you shouldn't be out in the cold, Frank and I went to say thank you for bringing you home."

"I came home." Harm sighed. "Dad didn't."

Suddenly Mac understood. Even though her torture and Harm's were comparable, he had to live with the fact that he may have never have made it home to his family, just as his dad had. She put her arms around him.

"You are not your father. A spitting image, but you have more fight in you, and a love that defies all logic." His mother went on. "Your father loved his family, but you have a love with your soon to be wife that no one can explain. That love kept you fighting, and figuring out a way to return home. Don't think I didn't love your father, but honey, now that I have Frank I realize what love could have been."

Mackenzie was in rare form that night. "Kismas!" She screeched with the Chipmonk Christmas carol.

"Yeah, tomorrow is Christmas." Mattie said picking up her sister. "She is really picking up."

Max laughed. "You do realize that she has no clue what she is saying."

"Naw, my sister is a genius, and tomorrow we are going to make out like bandits." Mattie said.

Harm looked down. "I didn't get a chance to get my girls or Brennen anything." Trish knew that was bothering him.

"Dad, you coming home was the best gift ever." Mattie kissed him on the cheek. "I will wake you at 0600."

Mac snorted, "If you do you will be grounded. Even if it is Christmas."

Harm gave a hearty laugh and made his way upstairs to get to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a long but joyful day.

TBC


End file.
